Sunday, November 17, 2013

Rough day and it's only 1pm

I am having the hardest time today keeping my hands out of my hair.  Trichotillomania should go on vacation sometimes.   I need a vacation from thinking about it. 

Usually weekends I do pretty well because Joe is home.  Sometimes I wonder if he gets sick of saying "Kate, stop." Being alone is one of my biggest triggers.  On some subconscious level I pull far less if I am with someone than without.  I wish this extended to Dawson because I am with him 90 percent of my day.   

Sometimes I feel really annoyed or angry that I have to be so mindful.  That's what helps the most, making sure I am aware.  Or busy.  Being busy sure does help.  I am busy a lot but not in the way a working mother is.  There are lots of times spent on the floor driving trains and construction equipment.. with my hands in my hair, pulling pulling pulling.  Trichotillomania consumes so much of my daily life and it's just flat frustrating.  I am really trying to accept that it's just the way it's going to be to a certain extent for the rest of my life.  

Today I am determined to make the rest of the day productive in some way and NOT pull.  Maybe I will even take a nap :) 

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