Friday, July 25, 2014

35 weeks pregnant

35 week bump
35 weeks! Less than 28 days until baby girl arrives!  Boy, I look tired.  

Yesterday I had my weekly BPP and appointment.  I had a different doctor than my normal, and like had last woman I saw in the office, I didn't like her.  More on that in a minute. The BPP took almost an hour because stubborn little Halle refused to practice her breathing.. she finally did it, but it took her a while.  Everything else looked good though, and she's head down, way down.  

They did check her kidneys, and one is not dilated at all.  The other is borderline abnormal/normal so she will need an ultrasound probably within her first month of life.  This wasn't the news we were hoping for, but we will just take it as it comes.  They didn't say much about her brain, but I couldn't see the cysts anymore during the ultrasound so I'm going to go with they are gone.  That really doesn't mean much though.  We will know more when she is born.  

My meds stayed the same this week, but the doctor I saw kind of knit picked some of my higher readings.  They look about the same (or maybe even a little better) than they were last week when my doctor wasn't concerned at all.  After I told her I was having trouble walking at all, she asked me to increase my activity level and take a 30 minute walk outside daily.  Uh, no.  I don't think so.  I'm in tears just going to the bathroom and also do you know how warm it feels to be this pregnant out in the heat? No way.  She also wanted me to get up in the middle of the night to have a snack because although my fasting numbers look good, they could be even better!  I have reflux.  I would have to wait 4 hours to go back to bed.  No.  She put me on a different medication for the reflux, we will see if it works, but I'm still not getting up to have a snack.  I also refused the Tdap shot and she wasn't thrilled about that.  It's a personal choice.  

Big family BBQ is tomorrow and I'm really looking forward to seeing everyone!  Hopefully I'm not too grumpy/hot/miserable.  

How far along? 35 weeks 3 days pregnant.. Baby is the size of a coconut! 

Weight gain? Gained another pound, according to the doctor's scale and mine.  So +17 pounds. 

Belly button? Out, but shaped different than last week.  Probably because Halle is in a different position. 

Wedding rings on or off? Off.  

Movement? Less frequent the last few days, but when she does decide to move it makes me want to cry it hurts so bad.  Lots of hiccups this week.  

Maternity clothes? I'm too big for even most of my maternity clothes.  Kind of getting ridiculous.  Even my super stretchy yoga pants cut in down low and really piss Halle off.  Trying to wear as many over the bump things or dresses as possible.  

Symptoms? Feeling?  I can't even begin to describe the pelvic pressure.  I'm walking with my knees together because it's like with each step someone is putting a steak knife through my cervix.  Pretty swollen.  I noticed my face is kind of yellow and discolored too.  If I look at my last bump picture with Dawson, had the same thing going on.  Very weird, must be hormonal.  I have an upset stomach a lot and glucerna shakes have become my friend so I don't have to force feed myself.  My nose is awful, I give up.  

Mood? Cranky and frustrated.  I'm not ready to be this restricted.  I feel like I'm doing a whole lot of nothing and there are still things I would like to do.  I'm feeling really attached to Dawson lately, trying to soak up the sweet moments.  It's hard to believe soon it will never be just the 3 of us, it will be 4.  My anxiety is totally out of control, but I had a therapy appointment this week and she talked me down.  Now I just need to keep reminding myself of the conclusions we were drawing when I feel it creeping on me.  

Missing? Sleeping in general.  Playing on the floor with Dawson.  Cooking whatever I want, whenever I want.  Exercise.  Waking up feeling good.     

Looking forward to? Having an outside baby.  Moving on to the next chapter.  Not checking my blood sugar or worrying about it.  

Sleep?  Don't even ask.  Just... Don't.  

Exercise? No, no, no.  

Any cravings? Donuts, cake, and milkshakes.  Oh, and sushi.  

Food aversions? This list is getting long again.. I don't even know where I would start.  

Until next week! 

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Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Momnesia, it's real.

Momnesia.  I'm just realizing how much of that I had after giving birth to Dawson.  It's a real thing, people.  And it's officially worn off for me.

I'm just a few weeks away from giving birth to my second baby, and everything has begun to flood my memory again.  The "it wasn't THAT bad" has turned into "what the hell am I thinking?" 
Dawson, just a few moments old
I had a pretty picture perfect birth with Dawson.  Labor was short, I pushed for 45 minutes and while I tore, the tear wasn't what hurt really.  His shoulders got stuck momentarily, but no harm done there.  Otherwise, pretty text book.   

But all I can seem to remember now are the things that didn't go well.  It took a whole IV team to get an IV in, and they acted like I was being a big fat baby about it.  They couldn't get blood out of it.  My contractions had no lull.. On the monitor it looked like I was having a continuous contraction. I had more than one epidural, and the one I ended up with didn't work right either and they took it away less than an hour later- I felt everything while Dawson came down and out.  I felt when the nurse put the catheter in (ouch..).  The position I pushed in exhausted me quickly (I had a sheet wrapped around the birthing bar, I pulled myself against it with each push.)  The threat of forceps or the vacuum at 35 minutes pushing.  The horrific amount of blood.  The IV still in my arm, 12 hours after birth (I HATE having an IV.. Just seeing one makes me light headed.). The lack of help from the nurses and ALMOST giving me pain medication I am allergic to.  Not being able to walk the next day, or for several days really, and no one understanding, especially the nurses and doctors.   Being pushed and prodded in my bed every couple of hours after birth.  The nausea.  Breast feeding going AWFUL.  The ER visit for low blood sugar (Dawson) just hours after we were discharged.  The lady at Babies R Us asking me 4 days after he was born when I was due.  The dirty looks as I used the motorized cart at Target to go get formula. 

Momnesia. It took all of that away.  Now? It's crystal clear.  I want to forget again!  I feel more afraid to have this baby than I felt when pregnant with Dawson.  It's clearly too late now! The next few weeks are going to be like torture.  I want to get it all over with desperately, but I want her to continue to bake too because I know it will be better (for her) if she comes closer to her due date.  Obviously I know this will all be worth it, and I know it could have been so much worse.  

I wonder if all second time moms (or third, fourth, fifth...) have this same momnesia where they go "oh crap, not again.." or if it is just me and my anxiety? 

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Friday, July 18, 2014

34 weeks, 5 weeks at most to go!

34 weeks34 week baby bump
34 weeks! I wish that 4 was an 8! Pardon the sleepy look, I just got up.  

Wednesday I had a growth scan and what they call a biophysical profile (or a BPP). The BPP is just checking on a few different things.. The placenta, her movements, breathing, fluid levels, etc.  The growth scan is obviously a few more measurements.  I'll have BPP's weekly now.  She was butt down, passed her BPP with flying colors, and is about 4 lbs 14 oz.  She has fallen from 44th percentile to 35th, but the doctor wasn't worried about that.  

My medication at night was increased last week and now this week my medication for the day has also been increased.  However, I'm still really far from the max dosage and even if we have to continue to increase it, I shouldn't have to go on insulin.  Doctor says I'm fairly well controlled blood sugar and growth wise, but he would like to see me eating more.  I'm guessing probably because the one pound I gained over 3 weeks, Halle actually gained.  She's sucking everything out of me! 

How far along? 34 weeks 3 days pregnant.. Baby is the size of a butternut squash! 

Weight gain? Gained another pound, according to the doctor's scale and mine.  So +16 pounds. 

Belly button? It's as out as Ellen Degeneres.  There's no denying it. 

Wedding rings on or off? Off.  I took my necklace off too.  It just kept choking me at night and making me mad. 

Movement? Yeah.. A lot of that.  It's really getting painful now instead of fun to watch.  She's very... forceful, I guess would be a good word.  

Maternity clothes? You betcha.  I feel like boycotting pants/shorts altogether but with ultrasounds weekly, or every other week, I have to put them on sometimes.  I got a couple of dresses that I can go braless in at Forever 21.  That's going to be like heaven.  There should be a rule somewhere that its okay for pregnant ladies 30+ weeks to not wear pants or bras.  It's like it's own form of torture.  

Symptoms? Feeling? Extreme pelvic pressure, even more than last week.  Getting up from my chair I feel like I'm sitting on her head, although I guess it could also be her butt.  Even the doctor said he would have bet money that was her head lodged down in my pelvis.  Never had that feeling with Dawson, but he was much higher I think.  Still swollen, still don't recognize my body in a mirror.  I have an upset stomach more often than not again.  I'm always too hot all of a sudden (I was like that with Dawson.. Ask Joe about driving with the windows down in the car in February! Ha!) My nose is getting worse again, I don't know what to do about that.  

Mood? Cranky and totally done being pregnant.  I'm a bit ashamed to admit there have been tears this week over aches and pains and just wanting to be done.  5 more weeks sounds.. Well, horrible.  Trying to just take things one day at a time but struggling.  I feel really couped up because I can't take Dawson anywhere by myself- helping him go potty in public isn't do-able anymore.   

Missing? Sleeping on my back.  Not getting winded just from walking from point A to point B.  Getting out of the house.  RUNNING!  Exercise in general.  Junk food.    

Looking forward to? Being done.  I'm not looking forward to giving birth, but I'm looking forward to pregnancy being O-V-E-R.  I'm a whiner, I know.  

Sleep?  This isn't even funny this week.  Takes me 2-4 hours of tossing and turning to go to sleep & then I sleep fitfully for 3-4 hours before I'm up again.  I'm exhausted.  And yaaaayyyy it will get worse when she's here! But at least I'll be able to sleep on my back.. Maybe with a baby on me, but I'll take what I can get. 

Exercise? We took a 45 minute walk as a family on Sunday evening, just to get Dawson out of the house & me too. It's been pretty warm and I overheat easily so it's hard to get out, but we had kind of a stormy day.   I walked a lot at the mall yesterday too.  Going up the stairs is exercise at this point, sadly. 

Any cravings? Donuts.. Still.  Cake.  Peach or blueberry cobbler.  Watermelon.  

Food aversions? Fried foods still.  Chicken, unless it's breaded and baked.  Sausage.  Eggs.  Vegetables except cucumber.  Water.. Ugh, so tired of water.  

Until next week! 

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Monday, July 14, 2014

Baked Bean and Beef Burritos

I've had to experiment a lot lately with what will and won't spike my blood sugar (theory is still out on most foods, or whether I even have control over it at all) and I found a combo that seems to work for dinner.  Baked bean and beef burritos.  Easy, super fast to throw together, and customizable :) I didn't get a great picture.. I got them out of the oven, cut, and Dawson was hot on my heels!

Baked Mexican dish
This recipe serves 4 people.  Reheats or freezes very well! 

Baked Bean and Beef Burritos


15 oz can of refried beans 
1/2 cup salsa of your choice
2 cups shredded Mexican blend cheese
4 burrito size tortillas
1 lb ground beef
1 taco seasoning envelope
Sour cream, guacamole, lettuce, etc for topping (optional)
Pam cooking spray

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Brown the ground beef and prepare taco meat according to envelope instructions.  Meanwhile, mix the refried beans and salsa together in a small bowl.  Spray a 7 inch by 11 inch glass pan with cooking spray.  

Spread in the center of each tortilla: 1/4 of the refried bean mixture, 1/4 lb of meat, and 1/2 cup of cheese.  Roll up and place seam side down in your glass pan.  You will probably have to squish the last one in, they are supposed to be like that so no worries!  

Bake at 350 degrees for 20 minutes or until tops are slightly crispy and they are heated through.  Serve with toppings of choice and enjoy! 

You can always cook longer if you would like them crispier.  Also, dividing up the filling isn't an exact science.  I always make one burrito with less filling for Dawson.  My favorite part of this is I almost always have everything to make it, and it only takes me about 35 minutes to put together and have on the table. 

 Baked bean and beef burritos also makes much less of a mess than buffet style tacos, so clean up is easy as well!

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Tuesday, July 8, 2014

33 weeks pregnant with little miss Halle!

Baby bumpBaby bump

33 weeks, because I completely skipped 32.  
Between the holiday (Happy late Independence Day!) and feeling overwhelmed with all my appointments, I took a bit of a break.  I've been trying to just enjoy family and focus on where I'm at NOW because my coping skills, quite frankly, suck.  I needed some distraction.   

The first 3 to 4 days I was on my new meds for my gestational diabetes they worked beautifully.  My numbers were about 20-30 points lower and I was able to loosen up on how much of everything I was eating.  I also didn't have to write everything down which helped a lot.  However, by the time my appointment on the 3rd rolled around, my numbers were climbing again.  Most of the time it starts with my fasting number first thing in the morning and if that's bad, the whole day is almost impossible to get under control even with the medication.  I'm calling this morning per my instructions from the doctor I saw on the 3rd (who I hated, that's for another day..) and I'm guessing they will up my dose in the evenings.  Makes me a bit nervous because I have had some lows the last week that are equally hard to get under control.  

We had a 3D/4D ultrasound of Halle a little over a week ago and that was really awesome.  She looks so much like her big brother.  I can't wait to see the two of them together.  I wonder if she will have curls like Dawson and me.  She is an active little thing.. I had her growth scan on a Friday and she was head down then, head up on Monday for the 3D and by Thursday she was head down again!  Crazy girl. 

Here's a couple of pics we got from the 3D! 

3d ultrasound pic33 weeks 3d ultrasound

How far along? 33 weeks pregnant.. Baby is the size of a durian!  Whatever that is.  Go home,, you're drunk! 

Weight gain? Still sitting at +15 lbs according to the doctor's office.  My doctor wants to see me gaining some, but according to my scale I am losing.. Mine says +12. 

Belly button? The top is poking out pretty good, depending on her position.  

Wedding rings on or off? Off.  Dawson is fascinated and slightly bothered by the fact that I have my rings on a necklace.  

Movement? She moves all the time.. Now she gets the hiccups several times a day as well, which does not seem to make her happy! 

Maternity clothes? Oh yes.  This week I'm down to one dress and one pair of shorts, seeing as how that dress in the picture won't be worn after today.  I apparently got too big for my other shorts because I ripped them both trying to get them up.  Awesome.  Total self esteem booster.  The other dress isn't going to fit for much longer either so I'm going to have to figure something else out.  

Symptoms? Feeling? Extreme pelvic pressure.  I think she's dropped down a bit.  Swollen from the waist down and that's a little odd to look at.  My legs and feet look really big to me, I barely recognize them.  Been more queasy lately, I think from the meds and not being used to eating so much.  I've also been getting head aches pretty often.  My nose is still really messed up so maybe it's from that.  I don't know. 

Mood? Stressed.  And if I'm being honest, I've been feeling sorry for myself.  I'm whiny and tired and cranky.  I feel like I'm on autopilot emotionally. 

Missing? Sleep.  Eating and drinking whenever I want.  Running.  Doing fun things out with Dawson.  

Looking forward to? Can I say having this baby? That's about all at this point.  It's too early, I know.  I can still look forward to it though.  

Sleep?  HA! That's funny.  

Exercise? No, none of that going on.  I walked all day on the 4th at the rodeo/carnival but besides that and maybe grocery shopping, I'm not getting any exercise.  It just makes me feel like crap.  

Any cravings? Donuts.. And fruity drinks.  I would give my right arm for one of each.  Or 10 of each.  

Food aversions? Fried foods.  Anything greasy pretty much.  Vegetables, I'm sick of vegetables.  Eggs and sandwiches.  

Until next week! 

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Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Dawson, what's new?

I feel like I have nothing to write about lately.  I'm so busy with this appointment, that appointment, shuffling things around to make sure I have care for Dawson, and take care of myself as much as I can.  

Dawson has been on my last nerve lately with the typical 3 year old fits and apparently he's found his defiance and kicked it up a notch.  Saying "no" to mommy, daddy, grandma, grandpa, auntie.. whoever is directing him, really, has become a new challenge.  It used to be kind of innocent, like a matter of fact "no I don't want to do that, mom, no thank you" and now it's more like a "screw you I'm NOT doing that."  I think part of it is my fault, because I really can't implement our discipline strategy right now because I can't carry him to time out, and if he refuses, I'm just kind of stuck.   I feel like he's getting away with murder when Joe is not home because he's the only one that can physically do what needs to be done.  The fits have increased dramatically too, again.  I don't know if this is just part of him realizing I am preoccupied at times (physically)and he's taking advantage and it's the normal regression when you add a new sibling, or if it's just a phase he's going through.  If it's a regression, I hate to see what will happen when Halle is actually here.  We will all survive it, I'm sure, but it gives me some anxiety.  

Toddler selfie
  • Dawson is 3 years, 4 months now.  That just doesn't seem real.  I decided I really need to be documenting his "favorites" and stats more often.  After he turned 2, I started slacking on this.  
  • His favorite color is green.
  • He loves anything construction and can tell you all kinds of things about it.. He knows more about machines than I do!  He's also very into factories.  
  • Still no interest in anything artistic, which breaks my heart a little!  He loves to cook though. 
  • He loves "soda" (1/3 of a juice box mixed with sparkling water) and Grandma K's jelly on just about anything.  He loves chicken and pork.  Corn is still his favorite vegetable, although he seems to have lost interest in it on the cob.  
  • He doesn't like brushing his teeth at all.  Still loves to take a bath though.  In fact, anything to do with water is great, although he doesn't like the sun AT ALL.  
  • He loves going to Grandma K's and Grandpa D's and picking berries and things from the garden, and playing in the sand.  
  • His favorite places are OMSI (Oregon Museum of Science and Industry) and any sushi place that has a "conveyor belt".
  • He's practicing his independence, but is still partial to having someone else dress him.  (Why do it yourself when Mom or Grandma K will?!) 
  • He loves batman anything.. He has batman crocs, batman underwear, and batman action figures. 
  • I haven't weighed him super recently but he was hovering around 40 pounds and 42 inches tall.  

He's getting to be such a big boy.. I don't know where the time has gone.

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