38 weeks.. Induction on Tuesday!

38 weeks and 3 days in this picture! Just a few more days..  And yikes, my face and everything else are swelling! 

I had a nurse visit Monday to recheck my blood pressure.  It was fine, totally normal.  No protein in my urine, blood sugar was normal for me, temperature was normal.. About the only thing that was "off" was my pulse was 115, which is pretty high.  I'm still dizzy and can't catch my breath (like, EVER) so they determined that's probably just from the anemia.  The anemia is really, really kicking my butt.  I was hoping after being on the iron pills, and eating iron rich foods, that after a few days I would feel better.  It's been a week and there's not much change.

  I had my last BPP ultrasound and OB appointment today and that went well.  I really didn't think I would make it to my induction on Tuesday with all the contractions & cramping I've been having but now I'm fully expecting it.  Triggers my anxiety really, really bad.  I got some anti anxiety meds today to help me cope, and get my pregnant waddling butt through the hospital doors Tuesday morning. I will definitely need it.  Looks like instead of doing any kind of cervical ripening (where they place a gel or suppository near/on your cervix) we will be skipping and going straight to IV pitocin.  I've had a lot more contractions this week but they haven't been productive, my cervix hasn't changed from last week.  My doctor is confident that I'll respond well because of the contractions and my quick labor with Dawson.  I'll be getting an epidural to save as much energy as possible.  Feeling pretty good about this plan.    Still scared of course, but I don't see that going away. 

How far along? 38 weeks 3 days pregnant.. Baby is the size of a pumpkin! 

Weight gain?  Scale at the doctor's office Monday was +22.  Today I was +20.  

Belly button? Out.  Totally out.  I'm curious to see what it will look like after this is all over. I don't think it's ever been stretched like this.  It never popped out while I was pregnant with Dawson.  

Wedding rings on or off? Off.  In a box on my nightstand.  My hands are pretty swollen this week. 

Movement? Yep, still moving.  Much, much less now though.  She still passes her kick counts, but she's not so wild anymore.. Unless I eat chocolate.  I thought she was going to kill me from the inside the other day when I had a couple of dark chocolates and some peanutbutter.  It's really funny to see when she gets startled by something now because I can see her jerk, and then watch her breathe pretty quickly for a few minutes.  Luckily she seems unphased by most noise. 

Maternity clothes? Yes and no.  I can't wear much anymore.  Living in my non-maternity dresses, and my maternity skirt.  I'm honestly not sure I could get my shorts on at this point, which is fine because I'm not shaving my legs either.  

Symptoms? Feeling? Exhausted.  Contractions are just teasing me.  My back hurts, my old car accident injury is really really bothering me.  My hips hurt like hell, I would actually compare the pain to AFTER I had Dawson.  There's literally no place or position that's not uncomfortable.  I dread going to bed each night because it's so uncomfortable.  I wish I could breathe like a normal person too. 

Mood? Not good.  I'm whiny, weepy, and frustrated.  Makes for a really cranky mama.  I'm restless and anxious as hell.  I'm just sitting here waiting for the other shoe to drop and it's maddening.  

Missing? Breathing.  Sleeping on my back.  Alcoholic beverages.  My medications.  This list could go on and on.  

Looking forward to? Getting labor and delivery over with.  Holding her, seeing her for the first time.  Pain meds!! Ha! 

Sleep?  Not really happening, folks.  I spend more time in bed pissed off than actually sleeping.  Although with 1/2 an Ativan today I managed the most glorious nap.. I haven't been physically able to nap in months.  Operation get as much rest as possible before Tuesday is in play! 

Exercise? No.  Just no.  I contemplated a walk around our neighborhood last night after a few timeable contractions but quickly changed my mind. 

Any cravings? Nothing really.  Food is just a chore and a hassle at this point.  I crave the things I can't have and that's really about it. 

Food aversions? Almost everything? Yeah. Pretty much sums it up! 

Next post should be about having an outside baby! 

33 weeks pregnant with little miss Halle!

33 weeks, because I completely skipped 32.  

Between the holiday (Happy late Independence Day!) and feeling overwhelmed with all my appointments, I took a bit of a break.  I've been trying to just enjoy family and focus on where I'm at NOW because my coping skills, quite frankly, suck.  I needed some distraction.   

The first 3 to 4 days I was on my new meds for my gestational diabetes they worked beautifully.  My numbers were about 20-30 points lower and I was able to loosen up on how much of everything I was eating.  I also didn't have to write everything down which helped a lot.  However, by the time my appointment on the 3rd rolled around, my numbers were climbing again.  Most of the time it starts with my fasting number first thing in the morning and if that's bad, the whole day is almost impossible to get under control even with the medication.  I'm calling this morning per my instructions from the doctor I saw on the 3rd (who I hated, that's for another day..) and I'm guessing they will up my dose in the evenings.  Makes me a bit nervous because I have had some lows the last week that are equally hard to get under control.  

We had a 3D/4D ultrasound of Halle a little over a week ago and that was really awesome.  She looks so much like her big brother.  I can't wait to see the two of them together.  I wonder if she will have curls like Dawson and me.  She is an active little thing.. I had her growth scan on a Friday and she was head down then, head up on Monday for the 3D and by Thursday she was head down again!  Crazy girl. 

Here's a couple of pics we got from the 3D! 

How far along? 33 weeks pregnant.. Baby is the size of a durian!  Whatever that is.  Go home, thebump.com, you're drunk! 

Weight gain? Still sitting at +15 lbs according to the doctor's office.  My doctor wants to see me gaining some, but according to my scale I am losing.. Mine says +12. 

Belly button? The top is poking out pretty good, depending on her position.  

Wedding rings on or off? Off.  Dawson is fascinated and slightly bothered by the fact that I have my rings on a necklace.  

Movement? She moves all the time.. Now she gets the hiccups several times a day as well, which does not seem to make her happy! 

Maternity clothes? Oh yes.  This week I'm down to one dress and one pair of shorts, seeing as how that dress in the picture won't be worn after today.  I apparently got too big for my other shorts because I ripped them both trying to get them up.  Awesome.  Total self esteem booster.  The other dress isn't going to fit for much longer either so I'm going to have to figure something else out.  

Symptoms? Feeling? Extreme pelvic pressure.  I think she's dropped down a bit.  Swollen from the waist down and that's a little odd to look at.  My legs and feet look really big to me, I barely recognize them.  Been more queasy lately, I think from the meds and not being used to eating so much.  I've also been getting head aches pretty often.  My nose is still really messed up so maybe it's from that.  I don't know. 

Mood? Stressed.  And if I'm being honest, I've been feeling sorry for myself.  I'm whiny and tired and cranky.  I feel like I'm on autopilot emotionally. 

Missing? Sleep.  Eating and drinking whenever I want.  Running.  Doing fun things out with Dawson.  

Looking forward to? Can I say having this baby? That's about all at this point.  It's too early, I know.  I can still look forward to it though.  

Sleep?  HA! That's funny.  

Exercise? No, none of that going on.  I walked all day on the 4th at the rodeo/carnival but besides that and maybe grocery shopping, I'm not getting any exercise.  It just makes me feel like crap.  

Any cravings? Donuts.. And fruity drinks.  I would give my right arm for one of each.  Or 10 of each.  

Food aversions? Fried foods.  Anything greasy pretty much.  Vegetables, I'm sick of vegetables.  Eggs and sandwiches.  

Until next week! 

31 weeks and the official GD diagnosis

31 weeks and officially a gestational diabetic.. Again.  

I think I mentioned before that my OB practice when I had Dawson was completely incompetent. They realized at nearly 36 weeks pregnant that I hadn't passed my 1 hour glucose test and put me through the hell of the 3 hour glucose test at 37 weeks (seems a bit late, no?) and then when I failed that, labeled me a gestational diabetic but never treated me OR Dawson like we had it.  Anyway, I didn't really know what it was like to go through the last couple of months being treated.   As a result, this is all new and scary.. but I was expecting it.. Well, some of it.  

I've been busting my ass to keep my numbers after breakfast, lunch, and dinner under control.  This week I finally figured out the key to my fasting number being good was to skip a snack at night and have a scoop of peanut butter instead.  But my meal numbers were just not coming down, no matter what.

 I was sent to the moderate/high risk OB today and also to have a growth ultrasound to check to see how this has all been on Halle.   First, she's fine.  She's about 3 pounds 14 ounces which is the 44th percentile.  Her kidneys have nearly resolved the dilation, but it looks as if her choroid plexus cysts are still there.  There was no comment on that from the doctor.  Fluid looks good, she has hair, she's head down, and she's very, very wiggly!  I've been put on Glyburide twice a day to control my sugars and I'll have to go for weekly appointments to monitor her and my numbers.  If the medication works, I can continue to see my midwife for this.  Huge relief.  I spent an hour in therapy on Wednesday crying because I knew this was all coming and I was scared to switch doctors.  

Halle will be born before 39 weeks or I'll be induced.  I honestly don't care at this point.  I feel like I can't have any expectations about this pregnancy because not much has been easy about it.  

Next appointment is July 3rd.  By then we will know if the meds are working! 

How far along? 31 weeks 3 days pregnant.. Baby is the size of a pineapple! 

Weight gain? My weight at the midwife Wednesday was +15 lbs! Still gaining! But doctor says this is a great weight gain thus far.  

Belly button? Its in when I sit in certain positions but mostly poking out.  So weird.  

Wedding rings on or off? Took them off this week.. Had a hard time getting them off, I was a little panicked! Wearing them on a chain around my neck.  I feel naked. 

Movement? Tons of movement.  She is SO active. I feel like my belly is bruised from the inside out as a result.  

Maternity clothes? Yep.. Already uncomfortable in pants.  Time for some new dresses I think.  

Symptoms? Feeling? My left hip is KILLING me.  There is no comfortable chair or position.   Rib seems to be in a constant muscle cramp lately.. Goes with the new leg, foot, and arm cramps I'm getting on the regular.  My nose is still really messed up. 

Mood? Tired, still.  It's been a stressful week.  I've cried a lot.  Not coping great but I have my therapy appointments scheduled out for a month to help me with some coping strategies.  I can't change what's happening but I can change how I deal and cope with it all. 

Missing? Exercise, baked goods, putting on pants without sitting down.  Climbing the stairs without stopping to catch my breath.  

Looking forward to? 3D ultrasound scheduled for Monday! Very excited!  It was fun to see her moving today but I know it will be much more awesome to see it in something other than 2D :)

Sleep?  I don't even want to talk about sleep.  To say it sucks would be a huge understatement.   This has actually gotten even worse this week.  

Exercise? No, none of that going on.  I took my fitbit off because I was feeling so awful, it seemed pointless.  I will put it back on when my dizziness and nasal congestion let up. (Same this week... Not sure the fitbit will actually go back on) 

Any cravings? Fruit, donuts, cake, panera, and everything "forbidden" basically.  Gestational diabetes is a little like torture sometimes. 

Food aversions? Fried foods.  Anything greasy pretty much.  Vegetables.. Some, anyway.  Eggs.  Pretty sick of lunch meat too. 

Until next week! 

19 & 20 weeks pregnancy update!

Wow do I suck at keeping up with this..

^^^ 19 week bump ^^^

How far along? 20 weeks 3 days.. Baby is the size of a banana!

Weight gain? According to the scale at my midwife's office, I have officially hit my pre pregnancy weight again! So I guess that makes me at a +0. 

Belly button? Starting to look more flat and stretched, but in a weird way.  Hard to explain, I'll spare you the details. 

Wedding rings on or off? Still on.  Finding it hard to part with.  I feel naked without my wedding rings on. 

Movement? Lots and lots.  I told Joe last week that I thought this baby was less active than Dawson, because I had specific times of the day I felt movement but I'm now eating those words.  It's like a 24/7 party in there. 

Maternity clothes? Yes, yes, yes! Now that we are getting warmer weather I'm going to have to get some more shorts and dresses. 

Symptoms? Feeling? Nausea comes and goes still.  Having about half good days, half bad.  On the bad days I have zero appetite and on the good I have very specific cravings.  My ribs hurt, bad enough that I made a chiropractor appointment (it's next Monday).  My muscles at the top of my belly are starting to give me a hard time.  With Dawson I damaged a nerve and the whole top of my belly went numb, I've never gotten the sensation back there.. But this time it's more of a popping and it hurts bad enough to bring tears to my eyes.  Sitting on the floor with Dawson for anything is starting to hurt pretty bad. 

Mood? Feeling okay.  I have been battling my anxiety this week and my hair has suffered horribly but it's a work in progress, as I say.  I'm fine one moment and the next I'm crying.  It's hit or miss! 

Missing? Alcohol.. Still.  I honestly have been missing alcohol so much that I can't even remember anything else I'm missing.  Running, I do miss that.  I'm beginning to realize it keeps me more level headed than I noticed.  Oh, and super hot baths.

Looking forward to? Buying baby clothes and decorating.  I went through some of Dawson's old baby clothes this week and it was like a slap- you are going to have a baby, one small enough to fit into these adorable little outfits. 

Sleep? Having a lot of bad nights.  If I'm asleep, I'm having weird dreams.  I've been awake way, way too much at night though.  My nose and my back and neck are my biggest obstacles when it comes to sleep.  

Exercise? Yep, nope, none of that happening. 

Any cravings? Strawberries, cake, chocolate chip cookies.  Salad.  Iced coffee (decaf)

Food aversions? Steak. Soup.  Warm lettuce.  Sugary drinks.  Cooked veggies. 

Well I guess first I should say that we had our anatomy scan on Tuesday and we found out we are having a baby girl.  I knew as soon as the tech went to the little booty shot.  "There's nothing there.. Not like with Dawson." And she said "that's because you are having a girl."  No lie, I cried.  I would have cried if she said it was a boy too. In that moment, I thought about all the things I've done with Dawson that I will get to do with a girl.  And things I want to do that aren't things Dawson is interested in.  It gave the baby a little more of an identity for me.  I'll have a daughter to kiss on her wedding day as I help her get dressed.  Joe will have a daddy's girl.  I love everything about Dawson, and I would do it all again in a heartbeat, but having one of each makes me very excited.

I had my regular appointment right after the ultrasound.  My weight is good, everything else seems to be on track.  However, the ultrasound did have some things that weren't perfect.   The baby has what's called a choroid plexus cyst on her brain and her kidneys are dilated.  Both can resolve themselves, but are soft markers for trisomy 18 too.  We did not do the testing during the 1st trimester, but were given a chance to do so within the next 2 weeks.  Joe and I felt like that still won't give us any answers, just more questions.  Our insurance doesn't cover anything else. The cysts happen in plenty of normal babies too, as well as the kidneys.  They will do another ultrasound at some point to make sure the dilation of her kidneys is gone.  The thing that makes it alarming is they both showed up.  It still could be nothing.  My anxiety has been hard to control.  I almost wish they hadn't told me.  I know for liability that they have to.  All I can do is continue to pray that she will be okay, doesn't have trisomy 18, and we will bring home a beautiful healthy baby.  I can't even go to the other place right now, if it is trisomy 18.  I have to try to just think positive, or I'll fall apart.