Thursday, August 28, 2014


Quick post for now- I have my hands full! Birth story and more details to follow :)

Halle MaryAnn Clark
August 20th, 2014, 12:39am
7 lbs 5 oz, 19.5 inches

Photobucket Pictures, Images and PhotosPhotobucket Pictures, Images and PhotosPhotobucket Pictures, Images and PhotosPhotobucket Pictures, Images and PhotosPhotobucket Pictures, Images and Photos
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Friday, August 15, 2014

38 weeks.. Induction on Tuesday!

Bump picture 38 weeks pregnancy
38 weeks and 3 days in this picture! Just a few more days..  And yikes, my face and everything else are swelling! 

I had a nurse visit Monday to recheck my blood pressure.  It was fine, totally normal.  No protein in my urine, blood sugar was normal for me, temperature was normal.. About the only thing that was "off" was my pulse was 115, which is pretty high.  I'm still dizzy and can't catch my breath (like, EVER) so they determined that's probably just from the anemia.  The anemia is really, really kicking my butt.  I was hoping after being on the iron pills, and eating iron rich foods, that after a few days I would feel better.  It's been a week and there's not much change.

  I had my last BPP ultrasound and OB appointment today and that went well.  I really didn't think I would make it to my induction on Tuesday with all the contractions & cramping I've been having but now I'm fully expecting it.  Triggers my anxiety really, really bad.  I got some anti anxiety meds today to help me cope, and get my pregnant waddling butt through the hospital doors Tuesday morning. I will definitely need it.  Looks like instead of doing any kind of cervical ripening (where they place a gel or suppository near/on your cervix) we will be skipping and going straight to IV pitocin.  I've had a lot more contractions this week but they haven't been productive, my cervix hasn't changed from last week.  My doctor is confident that I'll respond well because of the contractions and my quick labor with Dawson.  I'll be getting an epidural to save as much energy as possible.  Feeling pretty good about this plan.    Still scared of course, but I don't see that going away. 

How far along? 38 weeks 3 days pregnant.. Baby is the size of a pumpkin! 

Weight gain?  Scale at the doctor's office Monday was +22.  Today I was +20.  

Belly button? Out.  Totally out.  I'm curious to see what it will look like after this is all over. I don't think it's ever been stretched like this.  It never popped out while I was pregnant with Dawson.  

Wedding rings on or off? Off.  In a box on my nightstand.  My hands are pretty swollen this week. 

Movement? Yep, still moving.  Much, much less now though.  She still passes her kick counts, but she's not so wild anymore.. Unless I eat chocolate.  I thought she was going to kill me from the inside the other day when I had a couple of dark chocolates and some peanutbutter.  It's really funny to see when she gets startled by something now because I can see her jerk, and then watch her breathe pretty quickly for a few minutes.  Luckily she seems unphased by most noise. 

Maternity clothes? Yes and no.  I can't wear much anymore.  Living in my non-maternity dresses, and my maternity skirt.  I'm honestly not sure I could get my shorts on at this point, which is fine because I'm not shaving my legs either.  

Symptoms? Feeling? Exhausted.  Contractions are just teasing me.  My back hurts, my old car accident injury is really really bothering me.  My hips hurt like hell, I would actually compare the pain to AFTER I had Dawson.  There's literally no place or position that's not uncomfortable.  I dread going to bed each night because it's so uncomfortable.  I wish I could breathe like a normal person too. 

Mood? Not good.  I'm whiny, weepy, and frustrated.  Makes for a really cranky mama.  I'm restless and anxious as hell.  I'm just sitting here waiting for the other shoe to drop and it's maddening.  

Missing? Breathing.  Sleeping on my back.  Alcoholic beverages.  My medications.  This list could go on and on.  

Looking forward to? Getting labor and delivery over with.  Holding her, seeing her for the first time.  Pain meds!! Ha! 

Sleep?  Not really happening, folks.  I spend more time in bed pissed off than actually sleeping.  Although with 1/2 an Ativan today I managed the most glorious nap.. I haven't been physically able to nap in months.  Operation get as much rest as possible before Tuesday is in play! 

Exercise? No.  Just no.  I contemplated a walk around our neighborhood last night after a few timeable contractions but quickly changed my mind. 

Any cravings? Nothing really.  Food is just a chore and a hassle at this point.  I crave the things I can't have and that's really about it. 

Food aversions? Almost everything? Yeah. Pretty much sums it up! 

Next post should be about having an outside baby! 

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Saturday, August 9, 2014

37 weeks.. Less than 2 weeks to go!

37 weeks and 2 days in this picture! Less than 2 weeks until we meet this little wiggle-butt!   

I had my 37 week appointment yesterday.  It didn't go great.  Long story short, baby girl did great for her ultrasound (I think because she was showing off for her daddy) but mama is not doing so great.  

I cried yesterday morning because I just really felt THAT awful.  My blood pressure was 156/98 at my appointment which is really high for me.  I complained last week I was seeing spots and I have had a nagging headache almost non stop.  Dawson went to the beach with Grandma K on Thursday and I spent the whole day in bed.  The nurse and doctor were both concerned and said I look awful.. Well I feel awful! 

 I had my cervix checked,  I'm 2 centimeters dilated and 0 percent effaced.  Then they drew blood and sent me to the hospital to monitor my blood pressure and the baby for a while, at least until the results of my blood work came in.  They hooked me all up to the monitors and my blood pressure had gone back down, but I was still feeling really awful and then I was contracting every few minutes.  A few hours later, we got to see the on-call doctor and she said my iron was LOW and I'm severely anemic.  I'm showing signs of pre-eclampsia and it could set in any time.  So, I'm no longer allowed to be left alone, go anywhere alone, or care for Dawson.  She said she would have been inducing me if not for the iron, and that was bad enough that she didn't think I would even be able to deliver and would probably require a transfusion.  Funny (or NOT so funny) thing is, I've been complaining of all the symptoms of being anemic since I was 16 weeks pregnant! They just brushed it off and never did any bloodwork.. Anyway, I'm on a bunch of iron pills now and Grandma K will be here until Halle makes her entrance.  

I've pretty much hit the wall.  Dawson and I did nothing all week except keep the house semi put together.  I did some laundry, he's napped daily, and I've mostly given up on cooking and dishes too (sorry Mom, I'm trying!) I'm just over it all.   But to prevent a super awful recovery, I'll  (hopefully) keep her in until I can get my iron up a bit.  

How far along? 37 weeks 4 days pregnant.. Baby is the size of a winter melon! 

Weight gain?  According to the scale at home, I've lost 2 lbs.. So +17.  Weird.  Scale at the doctor says +20. 

Belly button? Out and looking horrific.  This is crazy.. I usually have a super deep belly button.  

Wedding rings on or off? Off.  

Movement? Yes, but more her feet and hands.  I can tell when she rolls over from one side to the other because her butt changes sides of my belly button.   I think she's pretty much going to stay head down.  She gets the hiccups pretty regularly and I can see her expanding her lungs to practice breathing if I watch my belly.  It's so weird, but cool. 

Maternity clothes? Not really.  I have a few things that fit but I mostly want to live in dresses.  Also, I wish I didn't have to wear underwear of any kind because they just flat hurt.  

Symptoms? Feeling? Contractions have been a little more serious this week, but nothing more than prodromal labor.  Just enough to annoy me and keep me from sleeping more than 10-20 minute stretches.  My back hurts something awful, and gets 100 times worse with each contraction.  My nausea is really bad.  Reflux is pretty miserable too, even with meds.. there's really just no more room for my stomach.  It hurts to walk, more than I ever imagined it could.  I'm uncomfortable no matter where I'm at.  Some more swelling in my feet and pelvis and now some in my hands. 

Mood? Whiny.  I walk around all day complaining about one pregnancy related ache, pain, or annoyance all day long.  Joe is a trooper, because I can't even stand myself at this point! I know- I'm only 37 weeks, suck it up. 

Missing? Not hurting everywhere.  Eating as much or as little of something as I want.  I'm missing wearing comfortable NORMAL clothes.  Also, I miss not being a walking exhibit.  Seriously, I want to tell some people to take a freaking picture.  Yes, I'm huge, I get it.  Stop staring. 

Looking forward to? Getting labor and delivery over with.  Holding her, seeing her for the first time.  Bless my friends on my mommy message board, seeing their babies finally arrive has made me more excited than scared.  

Sleep?  Propped up on 3 pillows in short spurts? Yeah it's a blast.  I dread bed time.  However, I'm pretty impressed with how I've been functioning off little to no sleep.  Sleep deprivation was the hardest part of bringing Dawson home and I'm actually feeling a little bit more confident this time about how I will cope.  Ask me again when she's 2-3 weeks old though.  

Exercise? No.  Ha!  Kudos to those who can exercise until the very end, 'cause that is NOT happening here.  I'm daydreaming about a good run, but it sure as hell isn't happening. 

Any cravings? Donuts.  I shared one with Dawson last week and it was like heaven.  It didn't spike my blood sugar either.  I also want regular soda, which is weird because I don't drink soda on a regular basis.  Oh, and a milkshake sounds awesome. 

Food aversions? Tons.. I don't even think I could list them all.  I'm tired of the kinds of food I can eat on this diet. 

Until next week! Unless we have a baby by then :) 

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Thursday, August 7, 2014

Time to cut it again

The last few weeks of pregnancy are hard.  For me, at any rate.  I know there are some women out there that probably think all my whining is ridiculous, and to be honest with my first pregnancy, that would have been my thought too.  My mom said it well- this pregnancy has been an 8-9 month long nightmare, not just the last few weeks. The anticipation for it to be over (and new challenges to arrive) is huge right now.. Not just for me, but for my whole family.

Unfortunately, that comes with other struggles for me personally.  I will always struggle with my trichotillomania, but more so when I have an obstacle like being 9 months pregnant.  I was doing pretty great, but being stuck at home with my anxiety sky high is taking it's toll.  I'm going to cut my hair again tonight.  I would rather cut it now, and prevent further damage to how thick it is.  It's actually been thicker in the last month than it has been in a very long time.  If I need to make it shorter to hold onto that, so be it.  

The before:
Pregnant with trichotillomania

I feel a little defeated, but I do know that my idle time is about to go out the window.  Which is bittersweet.  I'm going to try to make it work FOR me with my trich rather than against me.  If I cut my hair now, I can't do any pulling before the baby is born.  I also won't have much time to do any after she's born.  I'm hoping that this awkward phase that I'm in right now with my hair and my pulling will hit when she's a few weeks old, and it won't (or rather, can't) be my focus.. Maybe I can get over this "bump" that I seem to hit at this length.  

The after:
Shaved head

All I can say is I wish I had bought the clippers sooner!  It's nice to be able to just take care of it rather than stew in my disappointment and I really do feel some relief when I cut it.  I feel pretty blessed that I can pull short hair off well.   To spin this around even more to a positive, at least I don't need to worry about fixing my hair for photos of me with Halle! 

Saturday, August 2, 2014

36 weeks pregnant with Halle

36 week bump

36 weeks and 4 days! We could have a baby any time..   

My appointment this week was Friday afternoon.  I had to have the group B strep test this week, yuck.  Let's just say you have to take your pants off for it.  They wanted to check my cervix too, but I'm refusing any cervical checks until I'm in labor..  The one I had at 39 weeks with Dawson was nothing short of awful and I'm not replaying that scene if I can help it!  Although, ask me again next week and my tune might change.   Doctor wanted to go ahead and schedule induction in case she doesn't come on her own before 39 weeks because of the gestational diabetes, so August 19th it is.  I'm hoping she comes on her own though.   Otherwise, my blood sugar numbers still looked pretty good so I just keep on doing what I'm doing.  

Last Sunday I started having a lot of cramping and my back was killing me.  I was figuring it was from riding in the car on Saturday so much.  Monday night things got a little more serious.  I had the cramping still, and the back ache, accompanied by contractions that were about 7-9 minutes apart and painful, but definitely not labor.  Prodromal labor.  Labor purgatory.  I had this for about 5-6 days with Dawson before it turned into the real deal, but it can also go on for weeks.  A shower or bath usually slows or stops it, but I can't spend all day in the shower or my tub!  Prodromal labor is exhausting.. and frustrating.  I still wonder if it's why Dawson was born so quickly after active labor started though, and if it is.. I'll go ahead and take it.  

Dawson and I had a rough week, really rough.  He's feeling the stress I guess.  I'm trying to be patient and give him more of my attention because I really think he's acting out because he knows things are changing.  It breaks my heart when he shows some of these behaviors though- they just really are not like him and it makes me wonder how he's feeling.  Bring on the mom guilt. 

How far along? 36 weeks 4 days pregnant.. Baby is the size of a honeydew melon! 

Weight gain?  According to the scale at the doctor's office, +19 pounds.  

Belly button? Out and looking like something from a sci-fi movie. 

Wedding rings on or off? Off.  

Movement? Much less this week.  She would NOT move during the ultrasound, or breathe.  However, just a little while later she decided to torture me.  My cervix is NOT a dance floor, missy. 

Maternity clothes? Yep.  Had to start wearing nursing bras this week too.  Goody! (That was sarcasm for those of you that missed it..)

Symptoms? Feeling?  Huge?  Super huge? Like a stranger in my own body? Check, check, and check.  Contractions are bugging me.  Crampy all the time.  Back isn't happy.  All sounds like 3rd trimester to me!  My nausea is really bad.  Reflux is pretty awful too, even with meds.  It hurts to walk and I now need assistance getting up off the floor and sometimes out of my chair.  I'm uncomfortable no matter where I'm at. 

Mood? Cranky.  Tired.  Anxious.  Restless and bored a lot.  Been having a lot of racing thoughts.  

Missing? Sleeping in general.  Playing on the floor with Dawson.  Cooking whatever I want, whenever I want.  Exercise.  Waking up feeling good.     

Looking forward to? Getting labor and delivery over with.  

Sleep?  Don't even ask.  Sleep is something I probably won't see much or any of for the next year. 

Exercise? Sure, I think walking to the bathroom and cooking are both exercise at this point.  I do that every day! 

Any cravings? Nothing.  

Food aversions? This list is getting long again.. I don't even know where I would start.  I'm nauseated a lot.  

Until next week! Unless we have a baby by then :) 

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