Introducing...

Quick post for now- I have my hands full! Birth story and more details to follow :)

Halle MaryAnn Clark
August 20th, 2014, 12:39am
7 lbs 5 oz, 19.5 inches

This blog is suffering

It isn't that I haven't had time to blog, I'm just having some issue finding anything besides my hum drum daily life to blog about.  Normally I'm baking, cleaning, cooking, and going on outings with Dawson and I like to write about that but lately I am literally just a lump on the couch.

Cooking is my hobby.  I love to tweak recipes and believe it or not, I kind of like meal planning and grocery shopping.  Some of my favorite posts on this blog are recipes.  I hadn't thought about how little I cooked while pregnant, especially in the first trimester.  I also hadn't realized how much I really enjoy it.  

Right now I can barely look at most food let alone smell it so recipes probably won't be something you see a lot of here for a while.  It kind of makes me sad, but I know during the third trimester I go pretty nuts freezer stocking.  Until then it will probably be just a lot of everyday feelings, obstacles, and pregnancy updates I post about! 

Three GOOD things about my BAD day

What was that children's book called? The horrible no good very bad day? Yeah, I had one of those.

Unfortunately, Dawson and I were up for about 3 hours in the middle of the night last night together.  This is really not typical of him, but it was reminiscent of the days before he was a year old where he would do ANYTHING to stay awake, even though clearly he is tired.  Of course, that made today just peachy! (I hope you sensed that sarcasm..)

Anyhow, I have a tendency to ruminate on the bad things that happened during my day and not focus so much on what did go right.  When I was a little girl, my mom would ask me to tell her 3 things that went well during my day.  This tool didn't really work for me as a kid, mostly because I didn't understand the purpose.  

I need to be using this strategy more.  I think it would help my depression to focus on the good.  I know I don't do that enough.  I have many things to be thankful for and even on a bad day, things can always be worse.  

Three things that went well today:

1. My coffee tasted good, and I got to drink it all before it got cold (not usually the case)

2. Joe got his bonus and found out he got a raise at work. 

3. I got a few hours to myself because Dawson DID nap.  He hasn't been doing that lately. 

I am going to try to remind myself to do this tomorrow night.  It isn't hard to find three good things about my day, really!

It's okay for parenthood to be hard

I had a friend recently post something about feeling sorry for people that think taking care of their kids is hard.  I immediately felt a pang of mom guilt.  I do think taking care of Dawson is hard.

I started to think about it and I wondered why that's not okay? Why would someone feel sorry for me? There are a lot of moments that I don't like parenthood.  There, I said it.  It doesn't make me love Dawson ANY less.  

I also think you can't judge another mother until you walk in their shoes. Every kid is different.  For example- Was giving up the bottle hard for us? Nope, quite easy.  That doesn't mean I should think less of a mom that struggles to take the bottle (or boob) away from their little one.  There are so many different factors about parenting that I don't think you can lump everyone into any one category. Some kids take things easily, some don't.  Same for us moms.  

Everyone has different struggles as a parent.  Some people deal with it with grace and a smile on their face and that's great.  I deal with it with tears sometimes and frustration.. and a call to my mom to shout "He won't go to sleep! I think he is trying to kill me!" Kidding.. but not really. 

So just because it's not easy for me, doesn't mean you need to feel sorry for me.  My life isn't miserable, it's just hard sometimes.  I wish as moms (and just as people, hello?!) that we could see that  it's not always black and white.  

Five Years

Dawson and I went to meet my mom at the mall today to buy the boy yet another pair of shoes (what?! It's only been 2 months! Growing like a weed!) As I passed an exit in my lame mom mobile with my cruise set to the speed limit, I saw a little sports car just like the one I used to drive merging onto the freeway at what now I would call way way too fast.  

Five years ago I was the person in that car.  My little two seater with the music blaring probably headed to the mall to buy myself a pair of new shoes.  I had to laugh, because so much has changed in five years and I would have NEVER pictured myself in a minivan with my old boots and just whatever I could find to wear on with a little one in the backseat (dressed far better than I am, I might add.)  

Five years ago I was not married yet nor was I thinking I was going to have children soon.  It made me wonder how much more will change in the next five years.  I hope to have another child by then and be in school.  Or maybe I will be that mom that volunteers her time at the school.  The possibilities are endless.  

I miss my sports car.. I really do.  As I listened to Dawson giggling in the backseat about his Tom and Jerry DVD he watches on silent I thought "I would be missing so much if I still drove that little sports car." 

I feel very at peace with where my life is right now.  I can't remember the last time I felt that way.  I will take the lame minivan (which I don't care who you are, it's awesome) and my old boots and clothes off the bedroom floor if it means I get to spend each day with my boys.  I am blessed.