Monday, April 28, 2014

Trichotillomania Update

It's been a while since I updated on anything but my pregnancy, so I thought I would give a quick update on my hair.  Here's what things in my trichotillomania world currently look like.  These pictures are not great, but they are the best I could do with a 3 year old helping!  They are embarrassing, but I hope they help someone else feel less alone in their struggle with this disorder. 

Hair pulling

Hair pulling

Hair pulling

I wish there were more good things to say, but I have really fallen off the wagon the last few months.  Being sick or tired is historically a big trichotillomania trigger for me.  I don't cope with either one of those things well.  I'm also off my depression medication because I've been too sick to take it, and I hadn't realized how much that was helping.  I most likely will not even try to get back on it until right after I have the baby.. I'm hoping it will help me avoid postpartum depression again and it would be a big bonus if it helps me with my pulling.  

My hair looks worse than it has in a very, very long time.  The temptation to just have Joe shave my head again is big.  However, that just perpetuates the problem I think.  Short hairs are so tempting to me, that I really just start all over again.  It's like taking half a plate of forbidden fruit away, and bringing me 3 plates instead.  Does that make sense?  I'm resisting it, and I have actually had some success with parts of my hair growing out.  Sometimes I struggle with the front, but I've gotten it pretty long (which I've found annoying, actually) and I'm pushing myself to just leave it, not cut it short again.  I can actually tuck it behind my ears now!   

The crown of my head has been a hot spot lately, so I've been trying to wear things that cover it up.  Bandanas are lightweight and don't seem to slide or fall off, but I do get headaches occasionally.. I have to ask myself repeatedly A little headache, or more hair? and that has helped me leave them on.. the headache is usually so temporary that I really can just suck it up.  The part that's most frustrating is trying to remember to put on the bandana. That's a goal for me this week- to remember to put it on before I leave my bedroom each morning.  I'll let you know if I stick to it :) 

I had really hoped to have all my hair for maternity photos but that does not look promising.  I'm still going to do the best that I can, but I've made a promise to myself to not beat myself up if it doesn't look the way I had dreamed.  The important part is to be documenting my pregnancy.. and that's okay if it comes with less hair, because it's part of who I am.  

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