We are moving!

No, not from our house... :) gotcha! I bet my mom just had a heart attack! Haha! Sorry Mom!

I've decided to leave my blogspot address behind for my own domain.  This will be my last post here, but the blog will still exist.  Also, all of my posts are also on the new blog.  It isn't set up exactly the way I want it, but I'm anxious to make this change. 

 You can find the new blog address HERE.  

Hope you follow me on over there!  A blog address change isn't the only big change going on in our lives.  I'll be sharing very soon over at the new blog- don't miss it! 

How is my baby 6 months old?!

Time flies..

I've spent the last few months trying (and failing) to stay sane.  Not gonna lie, I'm a lump on a log (or you know, a couch).  I'm just overwhelmed with appointments and sickness (thank you, preschool, for that).

First, Halle is doing well.  She still has issues but we are moving forward in the hopes that she will outgrow them.  She still takes reflux medication and we have also added milk of magnesia daily because, ironically, she gets constipated now instead of having diarrhea all the time.  She's still on the Elecare, but we are pretty certain she has a slight allergy to something in it because she always has a rash on her chest, back, and neck.  She goes to have allergy testing done next month before we venture any further into the land of solid foods, because we had some allergic reactions.  She's 18 lbs give or take, and 27" long.  She's a really happy baby 99 percent of the time.  Super easy going, unlike big brother!

Speaking of big brother, Dawson is doing pretty great with preschool.  He's learning slowly to control his actions and we are really pleased with his progress.  He's still a potty nightmare, but I figure that will come with time.  He loves Halle to itty bitty pieces and watching the two of them interact is priceless.  Dawson is 43" tall and 41 lbs.  I can't believe how much he has grown just in the last year.. But I also can't believe I can say I have a 4 year old.  He drives me absolutely nuts but makes me smile and laugh regularly too! 

As for me?  Well, I'm hanging in here.  I think right now I'm just going through the motions.  I got a new psychiatrist and started a new medication, but I don't think it's done a lot for my depression yet.  I was on zoloft, but it wasn't helping at all.  My anxiety seemed (seems, let's be honest) worse than ever.  My insomnia is back as well.  Part of the problem, I'm aware, is that I'm not getting any exercise.  That was my main stress and anxiety buster before I got pregnant with Halle.  I haven't been up to any of that because little miss Halle did some damage to my nerves upon her exit and walking/running isn't possible right now except when I need to.  However, I'm in physical therapy trying to resolve that.  See what I mean with all the appointments?  Between myself, Halle, and Dawson, it's hard to keep up! 

But I'll be back to blogging regularly very soon.. I have a big life change I'm going to be making and I'll want to share.  Stay tuned! 

I'm still alive, I promise!

This was written on 10/24 and I was just able to post it.. Goes to show how little time I have! 

Life with a 3.5 year old and a newborn is rough.  Life with a newborn that has allergies and feeding issues is even more rough.  Thank god for family.. Or I would not be surviving this!

I haven't shared simply because I haven't had time!  Halle was about 10 days old when I decided breastfeeding was not for me.  My body wasn't loving it (in fact, quite the opposite) and neither was my mind.  I was falling down the rabbit hole again.  I promised myself I wouldn't even consider exclusively pumping, so we moved on to formula.  Instant relief.. at least at first. 

After about 10 days on the formula (gerber good start gentle) Halle started vomiting and getting so gassy that she would just scream all day. We were already having issues with her taking to a bottle, so this was a double whammy.  She had an ultrasound performed to rule out pyloric stenosis.. she did not have pyloric stenosis, but she was constipatednd bloated.  We started using suppositories to see if that was the problem.  No dice.  

We switched to soy formula and the doctor decided we should do an upper GI.  After a lot of scheduling headaches and still vomiting and now a rash covering her chest and face, we got it done.  The radiologist confirmed my fears... Halle has reflux.  This means when she's drinking, or laying down, or has pressure on her belly, she regurgitates her formula.  It hurts her.  Dawson was also a reflux baby and my heart was instantly broken to know we had to go through this again and that she was in pain.  Thankfully, the doctors are more proactive this time.  After a little over 2 weeks on soy formula and doing poorly, they had us switch to nutramigen, a hypoallergenic formula, and Zantac twice daily.  We got a referral to a pediatric gastroenterologist.  

By the time we got to see the pediatric GI doctor, it was clear to me that the nutramigen was helping but not solving the problem.  The doctor agreed, after testing her poopy diaper for blood.  It was positive.  We started an amino acid formula called Neocate.  It was so thin, she couldn't keep it down. We've now been on a different amino acid formula called Elecare for a couple of days and she is still vomiting a lot.  Halle has allergic colitis.  

In the midst of all of this, one of her doctors found a heart murmur.  We have a referral to get an EKG done now.  Also, she's seeing a therapist for feeding issues.  She doesn't suck properly and several doctors have commented that she feeds like a premie- like the instinct isn't there yet.  It's getting better, but as a result she swallows a lot of air while eating.  We also have a swallow study scheduled for November 13th to make sure she's not aspirating any of her formula because she wheezes and sounds like she needs to clear her throat after she eats or spits up. 

I kind of feel like I spend more time at one doctor's office or another or the hospital rather than at home.  I imagined when we switched to formula that I would be on my feet and at least doing basic chores around the house.  It's all I can do to keep the kids fed and get a shower each day (or every couple of days if I'm being honest). 

 Thankfully I have had a lot of help from my mom.  I know it's hard on her and my dad for her to spend so much time here but it really is my saving grace.  I know if I leave my kids with her, they are taken care of.  I can go to doctor appointments and focus on what they are saying, and not what Dawson is getting into.  I get out of the house so my depression doesn't worsen.  I would be in a much different place mentally if not for her.  

So I apologize but posts may be few and far between for a while!  I will certainly try to write and share pictures if given the time.  Dawson starts preschool next week and maybe that will help! 

Dawson, what's new?

I feel like I have nothing to write about lately.  I'm so busy with this appointment, that appointment, shuffling things around to make sure I have care for Dawson, and take care of myself as much as I can.  

Dawson has been on my last nerve lately with the typical 3 year old fits and apparently he's found his defiance and kicked it up a notch.  Saying "no" to mommy, daddy, grandma, grandpa, auntie.. whoever is directing him, really, has become a new challenge.  It used to be kind of innocent, like a matter of fact "no I don't want to do that, mom, no thank you" and now it's more like a "screw you I'm NOT doing that."  I think part of it is my fault, because I really can't implement our discipline strategy right now because I can't carry him to time out, and if he refuses, I'm just kind of stuck.   I feel like he's getting away with murder when Joe is not home because he's the only one that can physically do what needs to be done.  The fits have increased dramatically too, again.  I don't know if this is just part of him realizing I am preoccupied at times (physically)and he's taking advantage and it's the normal regression when you add a new sibling, or if it's just a phase he's going through.  If it's a regression, I hate to see what will happen when Halle is actually here.  We will all survive it, I'm sure, but it gives me some anxiety.  

• Dawson is 3 years, 4 months now.  That just doesn't seem real.  I decided I really need to be documenting his "favorites" and stats more often.  After he turned 2, I started slacking on this.  
• His favorite color is green.
• He loves anything construction and can tell you all kinds of things about it.. He knows more about machines than I do!  He's also very into factories.  
• Still no interest in anything artistic, which breaks my heart a little!  He loves to cook though. 
• He loves "soda" (1/3 of a juice box mixed with sparkling water) and Grandma K's jelly on just about anything.  He loves chicken and pork.  Corn is still his favorite vegetable, although he seems to have lost interest in it on the cob.  
• He doesn't like brushing his teeth at all.  Still loves to take a bath though.  In fact, anything to do with water is great, although he doesn't like the sun AT ALL.  
• He loves going to Grandma K's and Grandpa D's and picking berries and things from the garden, and playing in the sand.  
• His favorite places are OMSI (Oregon Museum of Science and Industry) and any sushi place that has a "conveyor belt".
• He's practicing his independence, but is still partial to having someone else dress him.  (Why do it yourself when Mom or Grandma K will?!) 
• He loves batman anything.. He has batman crocs, batman underwear, and batman action figures. 
• I haven't weighed him super recently but he was hovering around 40 pounds and 42 inches tall.  

He's getting to be such a big boy.. I don't know where the time has gone.

First world problems

First world problems! Nursery edition.  We didn't have a nursery for Dawson. This is new territory.  We were living in a little itty bitty 1 bedroom condo style apartment in a high rise building when he was born. To say things were cramped would be a huge understatement, but we made it work until he was 6 months old.  

We bought our house in November of 2012 and thought we had a great set up for having kids.  I still think we do, but we have a couple of obstacles in trying to figure out the nursery.  We have one bedroom (currently Dawson's room) on one end of the house, the stairwell & his bathroom, then another bedroom in our hallway and then our master suite. We have a tiny bedroom downstairs that is our guest bedroom/office.  It flows nicely, but trying to figure out what placement for the kids and us noise crying wise is a bit challenging.  I'm very excited to get to have a nursery this time, but I anticipate the baby will be in our room a lot at first.

 Dawson's current bedroom shares a wall with our laundry room and is directly over the guest room.  It's also the furthest from the most noise in the house, and our bedroom.  We put him in there when we moved because we figured he would be disturbed less (little man was not an awesome sleeper.)  The other bedroom upstairs shares a wall with the hallway, and our bathroom.  Here's where it gets tricky.  Now, I love our house, and the builder did an excellent job.. BUT I could happily shoot him for not insulating the wall between our shower and the other bedroom upstairs.  It sounds like Niagara Falls when you are standing in that room and someone is taking a shower.  It's the ONLY wall in the house they seemed to neglect, as our house is an Earth Advantage Energy Saver certified home.  Dawson used to wake as a baby if you even cracked a knuckle.  To say it was annoying and obnoxious is an understatement.  How the heck am I going to get a baby to sleep in this room and still be able to shower?! Gah.  We made the decision to move Dawson to that room.  It's bigger, and he sleeps like the dead once he is out.  I'm hoping this doesn't backfire and that he's excited for a new room.  The transition might be rough.   We will see I guess, because it looks like next weekend we will be disassembling his room and moving it! 

Let the taping and painting begin! 

We decided to paint a wall (just like in his current room) and he got some new furniture from IKEA.  He even got to help Grandma K and me pick out a paint color. He's obsessed with planets, so we are painting the wall blue and putting planets up on it.  I'm going to look for some curtains to match, because his don't seem to block enough light for him to sleep.  We are going to move some of his toys upstairs and see how that works out.  It would be nice if he could play in his own room when I'm having a rough morning, or need to shower.  Then all that's left is to paint the wall in the nursery, Dawson's current room, and put the crib together.  Luckily we have used a closet system for Dawson's clothes and we just bought some more to put in his new closet.  A lot of his stuff is getting left behind for the baby and I am hoping he doesn't feel resentful.  Again, first world problems.  So many kids don't even have their own room, but how do you explain that to a three year old? 

Has anyone else moved their child for a second, third, fourth child to come?  Please tell me I'm not crazy! 

Tuesday Trich update

It's been a couple of weeks since I updated about my trichotillomania battle and I have been doing pretty well not pulling.  I have had a couple of bad moments but nothing major.  My hair is still growing in white in a lot of places but at least it's growing!

Here's what it looks like today (pardon my hair sticking out.. My hair is curly and has a mind of its own) 

And two weeks ago

Not much visible progress.. and actually I can see where I have done a little bit of damage over the last couple of weeks.  My hope is that keeping updates going here on my blog will help keep me in check.
 The color is different in the pictures because one was taken with a phone, the other with my iPad. 

One way I combat the urge to pull is to use habit blockers.  At one point I tried acrylic nails (which ended when I broke one off- very very painful!)  Bandaids have worked to a certain extent, but I am admittedly not great about remembering to put them on.  Headbands, hats, and gloves have worked the best for me.  The less I pull, the more it tends to hurt my hands and arms to do so.  That also keeps me in check.  

Through the journey to again get my pulling under control, I have learned to manage my anxiety.  So relapsing was really a blessing in disguise.  I have had crippling anxiety for as long as I can remember.  The last 8 months or so, I have been in group therapy and I have really learned to reverse my negative thoughts.  

I used to be a worst case scenario type of person.  I don't do that to myself anymore.  As soon as I catch myself saying "Oh crap, this dead car battery is probably something else, and I am going to need a new car and then we will have to cut something else in the budget and what if we can't afford to...(insert tears here)" I stop myself.  It might just be the battery.  It might be something more.  Adding unnecessary anxiety to the mix is not going to help anything.  Honestly, when I first started catching myself and talking myself out of being anxious about something I thought this is never going to work.  It has worked. It had definitely taken some time, but making it a habit has helped tremendously.  I feel more capable to handle whatever life throws at me now, instead of crumbling.  

Grandma visits are awesome

Yesterday my sister, mom and I went on our annual holiday bazaar trip.  Dawson stayed home with Daddy for the first time.  He used to be so easy to just strap into the stroller and go but that's not the case anymore.  It was almost like old times for me :) except I bought mostly for my little guy.

After the bazaar we met Joe and Dawson at BJ's for dinner.  Then we packed up Dawson's things and shipped him off with Grandma and Auntie! I will pick him up tomorrow night.  In the meantime Joe and I are having actual adult conversations (gasp!) being incredibly lazy, and might even do some shopping without saying "don't touch that!" Or "stop sweeping the floor with your booty, that's yucky!"  If I have to say either one of those things to Joe, he is in big trouble! 

Thursday was incredibly laid back and so so nice.  My cousin Kelley did a great job on dinner and snacks. Dawson was really well behaved and took a catnap on the way.  No complaints there! 

Friday we waited until early afternoon and went and did some shopping.. Not because it was Black Friday and we were looking for deals, just to get out of the house really.  

We did buy a Christmas tree. Previous years we have had a real tree.. We would go out and cut it down, have hot cocoa, and strap it to the roof of our car.  Last year was a complete disaster and we were all cold and cranky by the time the tree was put up.  I said I would never have a fake tree, but here I am.  For the next several years, our tree will be fake.  Cutting our own tree was supposed to be about the family time and experience but being cranky together isn't exactly what I had in mind.. I'm hoping when the kid(s) are older we can enjoy it more.  Time will tell. 

I also got a new pair of (full price) shoes.  They were way too cute to pass up!
I also cashed in my Swagbucks for Amazon cards this week.  I'm anxiously awaiting my $25 so I can do some online Christmas shopping! I already have several things for Dawson in my shopping cart.  I'm having a lot of fun buying for him this year.

Time to get dressed and enjoy my day with my hubby! 

Trapping My Child and Other Adventures

I said I would update on how the new big boy bed is going.  Well, better than expected.

The first few nights on the mattress on the floor went pretty well.  In fact, the first night he was so excited he didn't even want to read stories!  This excitement of course has passed.  Fat chance that would last longer than one night.. 

Anyway! He got thiscute little rechargeable nightlight from IKEA and his attachment to it was pretty much instant.  That's mostly what has been keeping him awake until holy crap late (11:30pm.. I know, the party is just getting started then! Not if you have a 2 year old..) because he just wants to lay in his bed with it and talk to it and play with it.  Cute, kid, real cute.. But mama and daddy need to sleep!  So the nightlight has to live over by his music, which by some miracle he hasn't touched.  

I was so worried about him touching and playing with all kinds of things and he really hasn't gone farther than the edge of his mattress.. You know, with his legs (or just his toes) still touching the mattress to lean across the room.  Which by the way, is hilarious to watch and he even slept this way one night.  

His Pottery Barn Kids treehouse bed came on Friday and he was instantly IN LOVE.  I have never seen his face light up like that. Great job and a BIG thank you to Grandma R!  The first night he slept under it, which sent my Mommy anxiety into overdrive because I couldn't see him on the monitor.  He was so tired I don't think he moved at all though.. or that's what I'm trying to convince myself of.

Yesterday Joe put the ladder on and put him up top for his nap.  Success! He slept in it! Never mind that Daddy took the ladder off so he would stay in there.  He also slept up there last night.. without the ladder.  Now I don't have to worry about any of the crap in his room because he is stuck! Just like in the crib.  And I can see him again on the monitor.  Whew!   I have never seen something so funny as his little face all squished up in the little tiny windows.. and didn't you know, the view is different from each square?! Apparently so.  

I guess that's not really a huge update.  Thankfully it was pretty uneventful, other than his new bed coming!  

Five Years

Dawson and I went to meet my mom at the mall today to buy the boy yet another pair of shoes (what?! It's only been 2 months! Growing like a weed!) As I passed an exit in my lame mom mobile with my cruise set to the speed limit, I saw a little sports car just like the one I used to drive merging onto the freeway at what now I would call way way too fast.  

Five years ago I was the person in that car.  My little two seater with the music blaring probably headed to the mall to buy myself a pair of new shoes.  I had to laugh, because so much has changed in five years and I would have NEVER pictured myself in a minivan with my old boots and just whatever I could find to wear on with a little one in the backseat (dressed far better than I am, I might add.)  

Five years ago I was not married yet nor was I thinking I was going to have children soon.  It made me wonder how much more will change in the next five years.  I hope to have another child by then and be in school.  Or maybe I will be that mom that volunteers her time at the school.  The possibilities are endless.  

I miss my sports car.. I really do.  As I listened to Dawson giggling in the backseat about his Tom and Jerry DVD he watches on silent I thought "I would be missing so much if I still drove that little sports car." 

I feel very at peace with where my life is right now.  I can't remember the last time I felt that way.  I will take the lame minivan (which I don't care who you are, it's awesome) and my old boots and clothes off the bedroom floor if it means I get to spend each day with my boys.  I am blessed.