I have debated sharing this..

I even asked friends what I should do.  A good friend told me to always always do what is best for me.

I'm pregnant.  I found out last week, so it is very very early.  I am excited, and a little bit scared if I am being honest here.

I kept my pregnancy with Dawson a secret for 8+ weeks, until after I had my first OB appointment.  While I can understand why people choose not to tell until after the first trimester, I decided that isn't what is best for me.  If something were to happen, this would be my outlet.  I would need an outpouring of support.

I talked with my therapist about not telling, and she said in a sense I am isolating myself.  I also feel like I am not able to work through some of the conflicting emotions I will inevitably have if I keep this a secret.  For me, it is stressful.  It feels eerily similar to the stress and anxiety I felt about keeping my trichotillomania a secret.  Obviously not the same things, but the feeling of anxiety was drowning me. 

I know if I miscarry I will have to share that bad news.  My hope is that if that does happen, sharing here can be healing for me.  

Obviously I am still on my antidepressant and I plan to continue that through my pregnancy to try to prevent a reoccurence of my postpartum depression.  The risks of going off of it are too much.  

So far I feel pretty okay.. A few occurrences of nausea and dizziness and I am very, very tired but otherwise I can't complain.  I will say the bloating has kicked in much quicker this time around, and not many of my clothes are comfortable.  That's all I have for now!