It's the Christmas season again!

I'm so excited for this Christmas.  Saturday night we decorated the Christmas tree, listened to Christmas music and drank egg nog.. Or wine, in my case- egg nog for the boys :) it was the most enjoyable family moment we've had in a while.  It was refreshing to just tuck away everything we've been going through and enjoy each other's company.  

I took advantage of double cash back on Ebates and bought a bunch of the kids Christmas presents.  Feels good to at least be started.  I don't know what I would do without online shopping.  If you haven't checked out Ebates, you should.  

Dawson started preschool 2 days a week, about a month ago.  He's really really enjoying it.  I was worried he might throw a fit when I dropped him off but it's the opposite.. It's when I pick him up! His teacher is wonderful and he's making friends at school.  It's awesome to see him be able to socialize more.  It's also helping tremendously with his behavior.  We are still struggling with fits, time outs, and defiance but it's a work in progress.  He gets very excited easily and then his behavior is off the charts awful.  He's growing so fast, I'm pretty sure he was ready for preschool a long time ago but I wasn't.  

Halle is still doing about the same.  We just did a series of stool tests and some blood tests.  Her blood tests came back inconclusive so we are repeating them in about another week.  I should hear about stool tests tomorrow.  Her EKG is finally scheduled for December 9th.. It's been rough to get an appointment that will work.  She goes back to the pediatric GI on December 18th, and I need to schedule her 4 month appointment (say what?! How is she almost 4 months already?!)

I'm working to find a new psychiatrist.. No such luck yet.  I'm back on my 100mg of zoloft but I'm still supplementing with Ativan at night and I just don't feel quite right.  I'm guessing I need some things tweaked.  I'm also on the hunt for a new therapist.. I was hoping to go back to one I used to see a few years ago but her schedule is full.  I feel overwhelmed with Halle's stuff so it's been hard to focus on what I need to do for myself.  I still need to go for my 2 hour glucose test too.  I'm trying to do it all.

We had family photos taken last weekend and unfortunately their prices were so outrageous (and not as advertised at all) that we only got a few photos.  My mom and I are taking the kids to get their picture taken at a cheaper rate so we can have more of the two of them at least.  

Despite all of Halle's problems, she's developing a sweet little personality when her stomach isn't killing her.  She loves to be talked to, chew on her hands, and she likes silly sounds too.  Morning time is usually her happiest time and we get lots of smiles then.  The rest of the day usually kind of goes downhill but it's more than we ever got with Dawson at this age so I'll take it! I thought she would be fascinated with the Christmas tree but thus far she hasn't seemed to even notice it! 

Storybook Land and Santa

Every year since I can remember I have gone to Storybook Land in my hometown.  Its one of my fondest memories of Christmas.

What is Storybook Land? It's held at the fairgrounds each year, admission is a donation to the food bank.  They fill one of the buildings with trees and lights along a path.  Each side of the path has different displays put up.  Disney characters, nursery rhymes, Santa and his elves.  You name it.  There's also a couple of large train sets running. When you get to the end, you can sit on Santa's lap and tell him what you want for Christmas, and get a candy cane.  I can remember being so excited for this every year.  It wasn't truly Christmas until you went to Storybook Land.  

Since Dawson was born, it's become tradition to take him.  My mom, dad, and sister all go.  This year we were lucky enough to have Joe join us.  He is usually working.  This was also the first year Dawson really understood who Santa is.  He was tickled pink to sit on his lap!  Grandma and him sat on the bench in front of Santa and he rehearsed what he was going to tell Santa while the rest of us stood in line.  It was adorable.  I was really just thrilled he didn't cry! He promptly ate his candy cane as well! 

Do you have any Christmas traditions like this? 

Holiday baking!

My mom bakes a ton of stuff every year for Christmas and has since I can remember.  I can't think of the holidays and not think of my mom in the kitchen.  Toffee, fudge, cookies.. You name it and my mom has probably made it!  I like to bake but I don't do it to the extreme my mom does (no worries, Mom, I still love that you do it!)

 This year I thought I would make sugar cookies with Dawson.  He loves to be in the kitchen with me.  I maybe have lost my mind because he hasn't been the most pleasant to be around this week, but I thought I would give it a shot.

He operated the lever to lower the bowl on my mixer for me and watched me mix up the dough last night.  Although he was convinced it was salt and butter in the bowl.  Silly boy.  He also licked the beater (I know people say not to do this, but it's kind of tradition around here).  I loved that part for the simple fact that I can remember doing it anytime my mom baked and used the mixer.  It's such a happy memory.

He's kind of wild with the stirring and such now, but messes can be cleaned.  I thought he would get a kick out of the shapes and he did! Seems he is a bit impartial to the Christmas tree cookie cutter.  He wanted to use that one the most.  Thankfully they only had to bake for 7 minutes because he was less than patient for that part.  I couldn't transfer those shapes even half as fast as he was cutting them. 

After his nap, we frosted them.  He picked the colors for the frosting (yellow, pink, and green) and ended up painting on paper with the green when we had frosted all the cookies.  The kid is a serious double dipper though so we had 3 colors.. pretty much all swirled together.  As you can see, it was almost impossible to get a picture of him smiling because (and this is a direct quote) "This frosting is a very big job.  It's hard work, mama." Well, never mind the picture then!

Baking with a 2 year old is a good lesson that you pretty much have zero control.  They are no Martha Stewart cookies but Dawson had such a good time.  He nearly fell down when Joe walked in after work because he was in a rush to tell him he baked cookies.  It was heartwarming and just what I needed after a rough start to the week. 

Trichy Tuesday

Just a quick update on my trichotillomania..

Here's where I'm at.  I see no difference from last week, but I've been mostly pull free.  I've slipped a few times but definitely have had more success catching myself and reversing the behavior.  I wish it would grow faster but for now I just have to accept where I'm at.  It's better than it has been, but not as good as it can be.

Triggers this week:

My insurance company.  They are morons.  They decided to (without contacting me) call State Farm and demand payment for the repair that they said they paid for.. except I didn't have my car repaired at their shop.  Nor did I ask that it be repaired there.. in fact, I told the woman handling my claim that I did NOT want it repaired there and that I would go straight through State Farm.  Fast forward to calling State Farm to set up my rental and they were totally confused because they paid Esurance (my craptastic insurance) because they stated I already had it repaired.  Um, no.  I clearly still see a giant dent in my bumper. GRRR.  Switching insurance after the first of the year..

Christmas shopping.  This isn't really a BAD trigger, as in its a good thing (fun) for me but I tend to over analyze how much I'm spending on each person versus whether or not they will be happy with what I bought them.  I need to stop thinking about it.

Keeping the house semi-clean.  This is a constant battle for me, and a constant trigger.  I have to learn to not care so much.  Dawson is fed and alive and safe.. he's not going to care in 20 years whether or not Mom kept the TV stand dusted or the crumbs off the floor.

Christmas pictures.  We have them scheduled for Saturday but of course today I woke up with a giant cold sore.  I'm attempting to be rid of it as fast as possible and hope for the best.  It's a good friend taking our pictures so I suppose if it doesn't happen this weekend it can be some other time.  I was just looking forward to having cute pictures of us all.  Also, I have been searching for the 'perfect' outfit for pictures and realized I have no idea how to dress myself or pick out anything flattering since I had Dawson.  Thank goodness for girlfriends that can say "That looks terrible" so I don't leave the house looking like a disaster :)

That's about it this week.  Almost all things I can control, or at least I can control the thoughts around.  Seems like first world problems, for sure, and I am thankful for that!

Grandma visits are awesome

Yesterday my sister, mom and I went on our annual holiday bazaar trip.  Dawson stayed home with Daddy for the first time.  He used to be so easy to just strap into the stroller and go but that's not the case anymore.  It was almost like old times for me :) except I bought mostly for my little guy.

After the bazaar we met Joe and Dawson at BJ's for dinner.  Then we packed up Dawson's things and shipped him off with Grandma and Auntie! I will pick him up tomorrow night.  In the meantime Joe and I are having actual adult conversations (gasp!) being incredibly lazy, and might even do some shopping without saying "don't touch that!" Or "stop sweeping the floor with your booty, that's yucky!"  If I have to say either one of those things to Joe, he is in big trouble! 

Thursday was incredibly laid back and so so nice.  My cousin Kelley did a great job on dinner and snacks. Dawson was really well behaved and took a catnap on the way.  No complaints there! 

Friday we waited until early afternoon and went and did some shopping.. Not because it was Black Friday and we were looking for deals, just to get out of the house really.  

We did buy a Christmas tree. Previous years we have had a real tree.. We would go out and cut it down, have hot cocoa, and strap it to the roof of our car.  Last year was a complete disaster and we were all cold and cranky by the time the tree was put up.  I said I would never have a fake tree, but here I am.  For the next several years, our tree will be fake.  Cutting our own tree was supposed to be about the family time and experience but being cranky together isn't exactly what I had in mind.. I'm hoping when the kid(s) are older we can enjoy it more.  Time will tell. 

I also got a new pair of (full price) shoes.  They were way too cute to pass up!
I also cashed in my Swagbucks for Amazon cards this week.  I'm anxiously awaiting my $25 so I can do some online Christmas shopping! I already have several things for Dawson in my shopping cart.  I'm having a lot of fun buying for him this year.

Time to get dressed and enjoy my day with my hubby! 

Progress

I'm a horrible procrastinator.  Usually because of my anxiety.  Ironic, because procrastinating usually just feeds my anxiety.  So I have been trying not to do that.  

This week I managed to shop for some new clothes, schedule Christmas pictures to be taken, go to my therapy appointments, schedule my car for the bumper repair, get my car in to the dealership for the dash lights (again), have some girl time, get the grocery shopping done, and get haircuts for Dawson and I both. Best of all I have had a fairly pull free week.   I feel pretty darn accomplished! Sounds like every day stuff but some weeks it's too much for me to handle to even get the grocery shopping done. 

My trichotillomania is a constant work in progress, even when others can't tell.  Yesterday I got some of the back cut off but I decided to leave the longer hair around my face.  Sometimes cutting it can be triggering and I have been doing pretty well the last few weeks.  But I definitely don't want to be walking around with a mullet style look.  Totally not hot! 

Here's what it looks like now

Believe it or not, this looks better than it has in a long while.  Unfortunately I have done so much damage that at least half of my hair is growing in with little to no color.  I guess either it will develop some color eventually or I will just have to deal with having white hair.  Actually the idea of that doesn't bother me as much as having my hair be so short and thin.  

Despite my lack of hair I decided to schedule family pictures for Christmas.  It really bothers me that I have no pictures from last year with Dawson at all.. all because of my hair and hiding.  The shame in the past has been overwhelming and I thought I could just isolate myself until I got "better."  I can see now that I was just letting trichotillomania run my life.  It's time to start choosing to run my life myself.  Hair or not, I am still the same person.  Some people will understand, some won't.  And that's okay. 

It's sometimes hard for me to see the progress I have made with trichotillomania.  I'm pretty hard on myself when I slip up but it's just reality.  I may never be pull free.  I just need to learn to manage it and not let it manage me. 

 I think I will start making weekly posts with pictures to keep me on track.  I'm hoping this will bring hope to others that struggle.  Can trichotillomania be beat? I don't know.  I know that I can manage it, I have done it before.  I will get back there.  

Here's what my hair used to look like and my ultimate goal

Saving a few dollars

Who doesn't want to save money, right? Especially with Christmas quickly approaching.  Here are the top 5 ways I save money.

1. Have leftover meat from dinner? Freeze it and use it for another meal! (I use frozen leftover meat for a new meal about twice a week!)

2. Swagbucks.  It's free, and it works.  Even if all you do are polls, surveys and NOSOs. If you like to surf the internet and/or shop online- even better!  Check it out here!

3. Use cash for everything and save coins. Joe and I have a change jar and so does Dawson.  Quarters go into ours usually and pennies, nickels, and dimes go into Dawson's. He LOVES to feed his piggy bank! It's a nice bonus savings account.

4. If you like the finer things in life, or maybe you are a shopaholic try buying clothing online at places like Twice.

5. Join Amazon Mom and sign up for Subscribe and Save for things like diapers, wipes, laundry detergent, toilet paper, etc.  More than 5 subscriptions gives you an extra 20 percent off!

How do you save money?