Progress

I'm a horrible procrastinator.  Usually because of my anxiety.  Ironic, because procrastinating usually just feeds my anxiety.  So I have been trying not to do that.  

This week I managed to shop for some new clothes, schedule Christmas pictures to be taken, go to my therapy appointments, schedule my car for the bumper repair, get my car in to the dealership for the dash lights (again), have some girl time, get the grocery shopping done, and get haircuts for Dawson and I both. Best of all I have had a fairly pull free week.   I feel pretty darn accomplished! Sounds like every day stuff but some weeks it's too much for me to handle to even get the grocery shopping done. 

My trichotillomania is a constant work in progress, even when others can't tell.  Yesterday I got some of the back cut off but I decided to leave the longer hair around my face.  Sometimes cutting it can be triggering and I have been doing pretty well the last few weeks.  But I definitely don't want to be walking around with a mullet style look.  Totally not hot! 

Here's what it looks like now

Believe it or not, this looks better than it has in a long while.  Unfortunately I have done so much damage that at least half of my hair is growing in with little to no color.  I guess either it will develop some color eventually or I will just have to deal with having white hair.  Actually the idea of that doesn't bother me as much as having my hair be so short and thin.  

Despite my lack of hair I decided to schedule family pictures for Christmas.  It really bothers me that I have no pictures from last year with Dawson at all.. all because of my hair and hiding.  The shame in the past has been overwhelming and I thought I could just isolate myself until I got "better."  I can see now that I was just letting trichotillomania run my life.  It's time to start choosing to run my life myself.  Hair or not, I am still the same person.  Some people will understand, some won't.  And that's okay. 

It's sometimes hard for me to see the progress I have made with trichotillomania.  I'm pretty hard on myself when I slip up but it's just reality.  I may never be pull free.  I just need to learn to manage it and not let it manage me. 

 I think I will start making weekly posts with pictures to keep me on track.  I'm hoping this will bring hope to others that struggle.  Can trichotillomania be beat? I don't know.  I know that I can manage it, I have done it before.  I will get back there.  

Here's what my hair used to look like and my ultimate goal