Dawson, what's new?

I feel like I have nothing to write about lately.  I'm so busy with this appointment, that appointment, shuffling things around to make sure I have care for Dawson, and take care of myself as much as I can.  

Dawson has been on my last nerve lately with the typical 3 year old fits and apparently he's found his defiance and kicked it up a notch.  Saying "no" to mommy, daddy, grandma, grandpa, auntie.. whoever is directing him, really, has become a new challenge.  It used to be kind of innocent, like a matter of fact "no I don't want to do that, mom, no thank you" and now it's more like a "screw you I'm NOT doing that."  I think part of it is my fault, because I really can't implement our discipline strategy right now because I can't carry him to time out, and if he refuses, I'm just kind of stuck.   I feel like he's getting away with murder when Joe is not home because he's the only one that can physically do what needs to be done.  The fits have increased dramatically too, again.  I don't know if this is just part of him realizing I am preoccupied at times (physically)and he's taking advantage and it's the normal regression when you add a new sibling, or if it's just a phase he's going through.  If it's a regression, I hate to see what will happen when Halle is actually here.  We will all survive it, I'm sure, but it gives me some anxiety.  

• Dawson is 3 years, 4 months now.  That just doesn't seem real.  I decided I really need to be documenting his "favorites" and stats more often.  After he turned 2, I started slacking on this.  
• His favorite color is green.
• He loves anything construction and can tell you all kinds of things about it.. He knows more about machines than I do!  He's also very into factories.  
• Still no interest in anything artistic, which breaks my heart a little!  He loves to cook though. 
• He loves "soda" (1/3 of a juice box mixed with sparkling water) and Grandma K's jelly on just about anything.  He loves chicken and pork.  Corn is still his favorite vegetable, although he seems to have lost interest in it on the cob.  
• He doesn't like brushing his teeth at all.  Still loves to take a bath though.  In fact, anything to do with water is great, although he doesn't like the sun AT ALL.  
• He loves going to Grandma K's and Grandpa D's and picking berries and things from the garden, and playing in the sand.  
• His favorite places are OMSI (Oregon Museum of Science and Industry) and any sushi place that has a "conveyor belt".
• He's practicing his independence, but is still partial to having someone else dress him.  (Why do it yourself when Mom or Grandma K will?!) 
• He loves batman anything.. He has batman crocs, batman underwear, and batman action figures. 
• I haven't weighed him super recently but he was hovering around 40 pounds and 42 inches tall.  

He's getting to be such a big boy.. I don't know where the time has gone.

Knowing you are done, before you are there

After how rough this pregnancy has been with the hyperemesis gravidarum, Joe and I have decided we will not have any more children.  This was not a hard decision, with the events of the last 3+ months.   We knew we wanted at least 2 children before I got pregnant this time, but we were undecided on whether we would have 3.   The stress on our family has been enormous.

I have decided that I cannot be pregnant again.  My pregnancy with Dawson was not easy. I did have some issues, including some nausea and vomiting but I feel now that it was very easy in comparison.  I can honestly (and with a lot of guilt) say that I haven't enjoyed being pregnant this time.  I have been so sick, I live in fear of being sick all the time.  I miss beer and wine and forbidden foods.  I miss not worrying about my fluid intake.  I know logically that it's all for this baby, that I very much want, but I still feel resentful at times.  That's hard to admit.  It's also hard to admit that even with that beautiful prize at the end, I am not willing to go through this again, no matter what.   

I am okay with this decision.. most days.  Other days (especially if I am having a vomit free day) I feel a pang of sadness when I see other moms with more than 2.  In that moment it hits me- this is it.  Those parts of pregnancy I do enjoy (hello, basketball belly and baby kicks!) are here now and I keep thinking "this is going to be over too fast, and I will never get to experience these things again" and it brings an overwhelming sadness.  

I know that the decision to be done is what's right for me and my family but knowing we are done before we truly are, is so hard to swallow.   I can only pray that when this baby is finally here, I will feel more than 95 percent at peace with the decision.  

Potty woes

**Stop here if you don't want to read about my child's bathroom habits**

Potty training.  I knew this would be hard but I wasn't prepared for this.

A few months ago Dawson started going to daycare one day a week.. for some socialization and for my sanity.  That went really well until just before Halloween.  I went to pick him up one day and was told he had been punished for pooping his pants and lying about it. Crap! Literally.  I immediately pulled him out, as she really didn't see the error of her ways and it was something we specifically asked not ever happen.  I knew Joe and I had made the right decision when he suddenly went to 2 weeks of every pee and poop in his little potty chair, to being afraid of it and unwilling to poop at all.  The potty chair had to go away for a while and we were back in diapers full time.  Insert Mommy sad face here.  

Since then, going poop is happening less and there's a lot of prancing around for hours and crying because he just doesn't want it to happen.  It's seriously one of the saddest things I have ever seen.  Joe and I have done lots and lots of talking up the potty, being a big boy, etc.  I decided a few days ago we needed to try again after coming to the conclusion that things were getting much worse.  

Out came the trusty red potty .  We had some meltdowns over it the first day but many successful trips to the potty.  He even pooped in it! I had to hug him while he did it and the prancing around still happened along with the crying, but I was happy.  No major improvement since then, still holding it as long as he can, but I will take what I can get.  

I'm not really sure what to do from here on out.  I don't feel like this is going great but this is totally the kid that would be happy to wander around in a dirty diaper for who knows how long.  Do I just stick with it? Back off until he's not afraid to poop anymore? (We tried this approach, obviously) Take away diapers completely (he wears them at night and for nap)?  Consult his doctor? 

If you made it this far, you deserve flowers and chocolates.  

It's okay for parenthood to be hard

I had a friend recently post something about feeling sorry for people that think taking care of their kids is hard.  I immediately felt a pang of mom guilt.  I do think taking care of Dawson is hard.

I started to think about it and I wondered why that's not okay? Why would someone feel sorry for me? There are a lot of moments that I don't like parenthood.  There, I said it.  It doesn't make me love Dawson ANY less.  

I also think you can't judge another mother until you walk in their shoes. Every kid is different.  For example- Was giving up the bottle hard for us? Nope, quite easy.  That doesn't mean I should think less of a mom that struggles to take the bottle (or boob) away from their little one.  There are so many different factors about parenting that I don't think you can lump everyone into any one category. Some kids take things easily, some don't.  Same for us moms.  

Everyone has different struggles as a parent.  Some people deal with it with grace and a smile on their face and that's great.  I deal with it with tears sometimes and frustration.. and a call to my mom to shout "He won't go to sleep! I think he is trying to kill me!" Kidding.. but not really. 

So just because it's not easy for me, doesn't mean you need to feel sorry for me.  My life isn't miserable, it's just hard sometimes.  I wish as moms (and just as people, hello?!) that we could see that  it's not always black and white.  

I am getting desperate

First, therapy was canceled but I got my car back! Woohoo! The outcome is a post for another day.. grumble grumble.

I am getting really desperate with Dawson's food choices as of late.  I swore I would never be that mother that makes 300 different dinners, none of which for herself. 

 This is what he ate for lunch.. The picture of nutritious, right?

Peanut butter and saltine crackers

Dinner I feel like I have a decent amount of control over.  Dawson has whatever I make, a vegetable, and sometimes fruit.  If he finishes it or eats at least the majority of what he is given, he can have something like crackers, pirates booty, goldfish, or graham crackers.  He knows he has to at least try everything on his plate but if he doesn't like it, it's okay not to eat it.  If I know we are having something he doesn't like, he usually has a Gerber toddler meal or something equally easy to fix.  

Breakfast and lunch are another story.  He has a snack drawer in the kitchen that has mostly healthy snacks.  He goes to the drawer every morning wanting something out of it.  Only REALLY unhealthy thing in there is unfrosted strawberry pop tarts (I see you judging me! Daddy eats them so of course Dawson wants them too.). Naturally that's what he usually wants.  Probably once a week he gets his way.  I offer to fix him eggs, waffles, pancakes, or toast and he refuses.  Yogurt, bananas, muffins, cereal, and apples are ALWAYS in our house.  Usually he will decide on something and then once he has it he takes two bites and says "Want sumpin else to eat, mommy." If I give in and get him something else, it's like we just rinse and repeat the previous routine.  Lunch is the same.  It usually ends with a very cranky kid and a frustrated mama.  

Short of planning out his breakfast and lunch like I do dinner, I'm not sure what else to do? Does anyone else struggle with this, or is it just me?!