How is my baby 6 months old?!

Time flies..

I've spent the last few months trying (and failing) to stay sane.  Not gonna lie, I'm a lump on a log (or you know, a couch).  I'm just overwhelmed with appointments and sickness (thank you, preschool, for that).

First, Halle is doing well.  She still has issues but we are moving forward in the hopes that she will outgrow them.  She still takes reflux medication and we have also added milk of magnesia daily because, ironically, she gets constipated now instead of having diarrhea all the time.  She's still on the Elecare, but we are pretty certain she has a slight allergy to something in it because she always has a rash on her chest, back, and neck.  She goes to have allergy testing done next month before we venture any further into the land of solid foods, because we had some allergic reactions.  She's 18 lbs give or take, and 27" long.  She's a really happy baby 99 percent of the time.  Super easy going, unlike big brother!

Speaking of big brother, Dawson is doing pretty great with preschool.  He's learning slowly to control his actions and we are really pleased with his progress.  He's still a potty nightmare, but I figure that will come with time.  He loves Halle to itty bitty pieces and watching the two of them interact is priceless.  Dawson is 43" tall and 41 lbs.  I can't believe how much he has grown just in the last year.. But I also can't believe I can say I have a 4 year old.  He drives me absolutely nuts but makes me smile and laugh regularly too! 

As for me?  Well, I'm hanging in here.  I think right now I'm just going through the motions.  I got a new psychiatrist and started a new medication, but I don't think it's done a lot for my depression yet.  I was on zoloft, but it wasn't helping at all.  My anxiety seemed (seems, let's be honest) worse than ever.  My insomnia is back as well.  Part of the problem, I'm aware, is that I'm not getting any exercise.  That was my main stress and anxiety buster before I got pregnant with Halle.  I haven't been up to any of that because little miss Halle did some damage to my nerves upon her exit and walking/running isn't possible right now except when I need to.  However, I'm in physical therapy trying to resolve that.  See what I mean with all the appointments?  Between myself, Halle, and Dawson, it's hard to keep up! 

But I'll be back to blogging regularly very soon.. I have a big life change I'm going to be making and I'll want to share.  Stay tuned! 

Dawson, what's new?

I feel like I have nothing to write about lately.  I'm so busy with this appointment, that appointment, shuffling things around to make sure I have care for Dawson, and take care of myself as much as I can.  

Dawson has been on my last nerve lately with the typical 3 year old fits and apparently he's found his defiance and kicked it up a notch.  Saying "no" to mommy, daddy, grandma, grandpa, auntie.. whoever is directing him, really, has become a new challenge.  It used to be kind of innocent, like a matter of fact "no I don't want to do that, mom, no thank you" and now it's more like a "screw you I'm NOT doing that."  I think part of it is my fault, because I really can't implement our discipline strategy right now because I can't carry him to time out, and if he refuses, I'm just kind of stuck.   I feel like he's getting away with murder when Joe is not home because he's the only one that can physically do what needs to be done.  The fits have increased dramatically too, again.  I don't know if this is just part of him realizing I am preoccupied at times (physically)and he's taking advantage and it's the normal regression when you add a new sibling, or if it's just a phase he's going through.  If it's a regression, I hate to see what will happen when Halle is actually here.  We will all survive it, I'm sure, but it gives me some anxiety.  

• Dawson is 3 years, 4 months now.  That just doesn't seem real.  I decided I really need to be documenting his "favorites" and stats more often.  After he turned 2, I started slacking on this.  
• His favorite color is green.
• He loves anything construction and can tell you all kinds of things about it.. He knows more about machines than I do!  He's also very into factories.  
• Still no interest in anything artistic, which breaks my heart a little!  He loves to cook though. 
• He loves "soda" (1/3 of a juice box mixed with sparkling water) and Grandma K's jelly on just about anything.  He loves chicken and pork.  Corn is still his favorite vegetable, although he seems to have lost interest in it on the cob.  
• He doesn't like brushing his teeth at all.  Still loves to take a bath though.  In fact, anything to do with water is great, although he doesn't like the sun AT ALL.  
• He loves going to Grandma K's and Grandpa D's and picking berries and things from the garden, and playing in the sand.  
• His favorite places are OMSI (Oregon Museum of Science and Industry) and any sushi place that has a "conveyor belt".
• He's practicing his independence, but is still partial to having someone else dress him.  (Why do it yourself when Mom or Grandma K will?!) 
• He loves batman anything.. He has batman crocs, batman underwear, and batman action figures. 
• I haven't weighed him super recently but he was hovering around 40 pounds and 42 inches tall.  

He's getting to be such a big boy.. I don't know where the time has gone.

12 week pregnancy update

How far along? 12 weeks 3 days.. Baby is the size of a plum.  (Clearly it doesn't matter to my body how big or small that babe is! Ha!)

Weight gain? The scale at the doctor's office yesterday said I am down 12 lbs but if I go by ours, it still says 16 lbs. 

Belly button? Still looks normal :) 

Wedding rings on or off? Still on and still loose

Movement? Nothing yet, too early.  I wish I could feel something! 

Maternity clothes? Pants, yes.  Some shirts too! I wore the full panel jeans with Dawson but they are so uncomfortable to me this time.  I bought some side panel jeans and I'm in love.  I also got a couple of t shirts, one in the picture above.  I feel cute again instead of frumpy. 

Symptoms? Feeling? Nausea and vomiting still going on.  I ended up back in the ER Monday night because I couldn't keep anything down.  That was awful.  I could easily pass for a drug addict between my gray complexion and all the needle pokes & bruises.  It's reached a whole new level, now when I exert myself at all I throw up and get really dizzy.  Even taking a shower is tough.  I also can no longer swallow pills. 

Mood? Feeling really down.  Probably doesn't help that I haven't been able to take my antidepressant.  

Missing? Normalcy.  Ease of getting out of the house.  Socializing.  

Looking forward to? My appointment Tuesday with the high risk OB to come up with a treatment other than zofran, Reglan, and promethegan.  I'm hoping for good news and other possibilities. 

Sleep? I have been anxious this week, feeling like a burden on my family and not the best mother or wife.  Sleep has been tough sometimes as a result.  

Exercise? No.  Just no.  Exercise = lose my breath super easily and uncontrollable gagging.  (I have a feeling this won't change anytime soon..) I did take a walk in the mall with mom and Dawson. 

Any cravings? No cravings.  I've eaten chicken sandwiches from Burger King recently.. Crunchy and salty.  Last night I was able to hold down Greek yogurt with almonds and high protein granola.  I can barely choke down decaf iced tea anymore so I have moved on to orange soda.  

Food aversions? Everything.  No joke.  Even the things I can choke down sound awful 24/7.  (I'm super hopeful this answer will change soon!!) 

It's been a rough week.. My pharmacy is not helping.  They don't seem to carry my zofran regularly and so 9 times out of 10 I go to get it filled and it takes them DAYS.. Which, when I'm only getting 10 at a time, is just not doable.  Every time I lapse on the zofran I end up in big big trouble.  My mom is actually out right now switching my prescription to another pharmacy because I have had so much trouble.  Hopefully Tuesday I will have either a new prescription for more than 10 or a prescription for something else entirely. 

My husband and my mom have been.. I just can't even say how wonderful.  Joe has taken over taking care of Dawson and he runs to get me whatever I need whenever I need it, with ZERO complaints.  He's amazing.  My mom packs her bag at the drop of a hat to come to me to help.  I can't say how thankful I am for my family right now.  This is all very hard but without them I'm not sure I could do it at all.  I love you guys! 

11 week pregnancy update

How far along? 11 weeks 3 days.. Baby is the size of a lime. 

Weight gain? The scale says I'm down another few lbs.. For a total of 16 lbs lost since week 6. 

Belly button? Still looks normal :) 

Wedding rings on or off? Still on.. Actually getting a bit loose. 

Movement? Nothing yet, too early.  

Maternity clothes? Pants, yes.  Some shirts too!

Symptoms? Feeling? Nausea and vomiting still going on.  I was actually feeling a little better last week than this week.  Lots more vomiting and I haven't been able to convince myself to eat dinner most nights.

Mood? Feeling real discouraged lately.  I keep hoping for a miracle, that I'll wake up feeling awesome one day but that hasn't happened. 

Missing? Food actually sounding good.  I also miss not worrying so much about how many fluids I'm getting down. 

Looking forward to? Feeling movement.  I can't wait for that.  

Sleep? I have been sleeping like a rock this week, just not long enough.  I'm trying to read before bed, it helps me fall asleep easier.  

Exercise? No.  Just no.  Exercise = lose my breath super easily and uncontrollable gagging. 

Any cravings? No cravings.  Still eating mostly turkey sandwiches from burgerville, Arby's, or panera.  I have also eaten top ramen a couple of times this week and fresh blueberries.  Still drinking decaf iced tea but getting really sick of it. 

Food aversions? Everything.  No joke.  Even the things I can choke down sound awful 24/7.  I can't go to the grocery store or make easy mac for Dawson because even seeing food makes me gag.  Awesome.

Five Years

Dawson and I went to meet my mom at the mall today to buy the boy yet another pair of shoes (what?! It's only been 2 months! Growing like a weed!) As I passed an exit in my lame mom mobile with my cruise set to the speed limit, I saw a little sports car just like the one I used to drive merging onto the freeway at what now I would call way way too fast.  

Five years ago I was the person in that car.  My little two seater with the music blaring probably headed to the mall to buy myself a pair of new shoes.  I had to laugh, because so much has changed in five years and I would have NEVER pictured myself in a minivan with my old boots and just whatever I could find to wear on with a little one in the backseat (dressed far better than I am, I might add.)  

Five years ago I was not married yet nor was I thinking I was going to have children soon.  It made me wonder how much more will change in the next five years.  I hope to have another child by then and be in school.  Or maybe I will be that mom that volunteers her time at the school.  The possibilities are endless.  

I miss my sports car.. I really do.  As I listened to Dawson giggling in the backseat about his Tom and Jerry DVD he watches on silent I thought "I would be missing so much if I still drove that little sports car." 

I feel very at peace with where my life is right now.  I can't remember the last time I felt that way.  I will take the lame minivan (which I don't care who you are, it's awesome) and my old boots and clothes off the bedroom floor if it means I get to spend each day with my boys.  I am blessed.