It's the Christmas season again!

I'm so excited for this Christmas.  Saturday night we decorated the Christmas tree, listened to Christmas music and drank egg nog.. Or wine, in my case- egg nog for the boys :) it was the most enjoyable family moment we've had in a while.  It was refreshing to just tuck away everything we've been going through and enjoy each other's company.  

I took advantage of double cash back on Ebates and bought a bunch of the kids Christmas presents.  Feels good to at least be started.  I don't know what I would do without online shopping.  If you haven't checked out Ebates, you should.  

Dawson started preschool 2 days a week, about a month ago.  He's really really enjoying it.  I was worried he might throw a fit when I dropped him off but it's the opposite.. It's when I pick him up! His teacher is wonderful and he's making friends at school.  It's awesome to see him be able to socialize more.  It's also helping tremendously with his behavior.  We are still struggling with fits, time outs, and defiance but it's a work in progress.  He gets very excited easily and then his behavior is off the charts awful.  He's growing so fast, I'm pretty sure he was ready for preschool a long time ago but I wasn't.  

Halle is still doing about the same.  We just did a series of stool tests and some blood tests.  Her blood tests came back inconclusive so we are repeating them in about another week.  I should hear about stool tests tomorrow.  Her EKG is finally scheduled for December 9th.. It's been rough to get an appointment that will work.  She goes back to the pediatric GI on December 18th, and I need to schedule her 4 month appointment (say what?! How is she almost 4 months already?!)

I'm working to find a new psychiatrist.. No such luck yet.  I'm back on my 100mg of zoloft but I'm still supplementing with Ativan at night and I just don't feel quite right.  I'm guessing I need some things tweaked.  I'm also on the hunt for a new therapist.. I was hoping to go back to one I used to see a few years ago but her schedule is full.  I feel overwhelmed with Halle's stuff so it's been hard to focus on what I need to do for myself.  I still need to go for my 2 hour glucose test too.  I'm trying to do it all.

We had family photos taken last weekend and unfortunately their prices were so outrageous (and not as advertised at all) that we only got a few photos.  My mom and I are taking the kids to get their picture taken at a cheaper rate so we can have more of the two of them at least.  

Despite all of Halle's problems, she's developing a sweet little personality when her stomach isn't killing her.  She loves to be talked to, chew on her hands, and she likes silly sounds too.  Morning time is usually her happiest time and we get lots of smiles then.  The rest of the day usually kind of goes downhill but it's more than we ever got with Dawson at this age so I'll take it! I thought she would be fascinated with the Christmas tree but thus far she hasn't seemed to even notice it! 

I'm still alive, I promise!

This was written on 10/24 and I was just able to post it.. Goes to show how little time I have! 

Life with a 3.5 year old and a newborn is rough.  Life with a newborn that has allergies and feeding issues is even more rough.  Thank god for family.. Or I would not be surviving this!

I haven't shared simply because I haven't had time!  Halle was about 10 days old when I decided breastfeeding was not for me.  My body wasn't loving it (in fact, quite the opposite) and neither was my mind.  I was falling down the rabbit hole again.  I promised myself I wouldn't even consider exclusively pumping, so we moved on to formula.  Instant relief.. at least at first. 

After about 10 days on the formula (gerber good start gentle) Halle started vomiting and getting so gassy that she would just scream all day. We were already having issues with her taking to a bottle, so this was a double whammy.  She had an ultrasound performed to rule out pyloric stenosis.. she did not have pyloric stenosis, but she was constipatednd bloated.  We started using suppositories to see if that was the problem.  No dice.  

We switched to soy formula and the doctor decided we should do an upper GI.  After a lot of scheduling headaches and still vomiting and now a rash covering her chest and face, we got it done.  The radiologist confirmed my fears... Halle has reflux.  This means when she's drinking, or laying down, or has pressure on her belly, she regurgitates her formula.  It hurts her.  Dawson was also a reflux baby and my heart was instantly broken to know we had to go through this again and that she was in pain.  Thankfully, the doctors are more proactive this time.  After a little over 2 weeks on soy formula and doing poorly, they had us switch to nutramigen, a hypoallergenic formula, and Zantac twice daily.  We got a referral to a pediatric gastroenterologist.  

By the time we got to see the pediatric GI doctor, it was clear to me that the nutramigen was helping but not solving the problem.  The doctor agreed, after testing her poopy diaper for blood.  It was positive.  We started an amino acid formula called Neocate.  It was so thin, she couldn't keep it down. We've now been on a different amino acid formula called Elecare for a couple of days and she is still vomiting a lot.  Halle has allergic colitis.  

In the midst of all of this, one of her doctors found a heart murmur.  We have a referral to get an EKG done now.  Also, she's seeing a therapist for feeding issues.  She doesn't suck properly and several doctors have commented that she feeds like a premie- like the instinct isn't there yet.  It's getting better, but as a result she swallows a lot of air while eating.  We also have a swallow study scheduled for November 13th to make sure she's not aspirating any of her formula because she wheezes and sounds like she needs to clear her throat after she eats or spits up. 

I kind of feel like I spend more time at one doctor's office or another or the hospital rather than at home.  I imagined when we switched to formula that I would be on my feet and at least doing basic chores around the house.  It's all I can do to keep the kids fed and get a shower each day (or every couple of days if I'm being honest). 

 Thankfully I have had a lot of help from my mom.  I know it's hard on her and my dad for her to spend so much time here but it really is my saving grace.  I know if I leave my kids with her, they are taken care of.  I can go to doctor appointments and focus on what they are saying, and not what Dawson is getting into.  I get out of the house so my depression doesn't worsen.  I would be in a much different place mentally if not for her.  

So I apologize but posts may be few and far between for a while!  I will certainly try to write and share pictures if given the time.  Dawson starts preschool next week and maybe that will help!